Mother’s Day celebrations look different for every family, depending on the wants and likes of the honoree. Some look forward to having a meal out with their loved ones, while others love receiving flowers or something handmade by the giver.
This mom of 6 wasn’t expecting much, just some appreciation and perhaps a card from her husband. However, she didn’t even get a “Happy Mother’s Day” from him, leaving her feeling disappointed and taken for granted on one of the most special days.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with relationship and communication expert Chloe Ballatore and relationship coach and therapist John Kenny, who kindly agreed to tell us more about husbands’ roles on Mother’s Day.
Mother’s Day celebrations look different for every family
Image credits: Ijaz Rafi (not the actual image)
However, for this family, it brought disappointment and a feeling of underappreciation
Image credits: vadymvdrobot (not the actual image)
Image credits: InnaVlasova (not the actual image)
Image credits: TangerinePast7416
Mother’s Day should celebrate all moms, not just ours
It’s customary for children to prepare gifts and express their gratitude for their mothers on such a special occasion. But what about the husbands? Should they extend their token of appreciation to their wives, even though some argue it’s “Mother’s Day” and not “The Mother of My Children’s Day”?
While this statement is true, Mother’s Day holds deeper significance for women than just celebrating their motherly role. This occasion gives husbands the opportunity to express their recognition and gratitude for their constant dedication to the family.
Relationship and communication expert Chloe Ballatore tells Bored Panda that it’s the husband’s role to oversee the celebration. “He doesn’t have to give a gift, but he might want to make sure the day is special for his wife by organizing the children, making sure they give her gifts, and ensuring she has a peaceful day. This means doing some extra chores, asking what she wants for dinner, and maybe even scheduling a massage for her.”
Relationship coach and therapist John Kenny believes that this comes down to knowing the partner and what would mean the most to them. However, putting in some effort and helping children to ensure that they don’t forget to show their appreciation in some way is plausible. “If they are old enough, then it will depend on the nature of the relationship, but I guess even saying how you feel about their mothering skills is a positive thing to do,” he notes. “As a whole, everyone likes to be acknowledged that they are doing a good job at being a parent.”
Therefore, we can all agree that Mother’s Day should celebrate all moms, not just ours. As a consequence, according to Ballatore, one of the most significant mistakes a husband can make is to overlook this occasion entirely. “This could have repercussions on the relationship as a whole. Many people are emotional on the holidays and look at them as a bellwether of the relationship,” she says.
“Forgetting” or overall neglecting this celebration can make your significant other feel unappreciated for their role as a mother and life partner. This can be easily avoided by setting reminders in advance on your digital calendar or phone application.
Knowing what your partner wants or likes can really help in choosing how to express your gratitude for them. Taking note of her interests, hobbies, and preferences and including them in your special day plans can really show that you care and appreciate them. This means that personalization is key, and generic or impersonal gifts are not going to “slide.”
The number one thing that mothers want on such an occasion is a meal out
If you’re a husband who’s still unsure, a survey of 500 American mothers has found that the number one thing that mothers want on such an occasion is a meal out. It was followed by flowers, a handmade present, a gift card, and a greeting card. Beauty products, clothing, and vacations appear at the bottom of the list.
When it comes to how mothers would like to spend the day, 60% prefer to bond with their children, while 31% prefer to do so with their own mother and family, and 20% said they would enjoy some alone time.
Meanwhile, Ballatore advises doing something that will make the wife feel good. “Understand that it might be an emotional day for her and support that. Make sure the kids are also supportive, and if they’re too young for that, try to support the mother in caring for the kids or even give the mom a break for the day.”
She notes, “Sometimes grandmas get in the way of Mother’s Day. Don’t let your mom or her mom take over the day and deprive your SO of a celebration.”
Kenny believes that there’s also nothing wrong with asking beforehand what the wife would prefer on such an occasion. “What would they like to do for Mother’s Day? How would they like to celebrate? What would mean something to them?
If you don’t take the time to find out these things about each other, be mindful of them when the time comes, and put things into practice, then you will find you have created an issue for your relationship. Unless they expect something huge (and in that case, I would check to see if they have their priorities in place), putting what they want first on these types of occasions can never go amiss.”
He signs off by saying, “Be mindful of what makes each other happy as much as you can and act on this when possible (and I don’t mean be a people pleaser as this is something very different). Make sure that if the most important thing to your partner is that you acknowledge what they do, then do it, and if it is the kids, then make sure they do it too.”
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