Pregnancy is a struggle for many women. From morning sickness to back pain to indigestion to feeling like their body is no longer their own, mothers sacrifice a lot for their children. And once they finally reach the biggest hurdle—labor—they need all of the support they can get.
So when one new mom’s husband decided to vanish while she was giving birth, she had a hard time understanding where he was coming from. Below, you’ll find the full story that the mother recently posted on Reddit seeking advice, as well as some of the replies concerned readers left her.
After her husband vanished while she was in labor, this mom started to wonder if her marriage was worth salvaging
Image credits: DC_Studio (not the actual photo)
AITA for Leaving My Husband at the Hospital After He Refused to Be in the Delivery Room with Me?
“This happened two months ago, but it’s still causing major friction in my family, so I need some outside opinions.
I (29F) and my husband ‘Jake’ (32M) have been together for six years, married for three. We were both ecstatic when we found out we were expecting our first child. Pregnancy was tough for me, though—I had severe morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was generally miserable. But Jake was supportive and sweet the whole way through, which made it bearable.
As we got closer to my due date, we discussed birth plans. I was adamant that I wanted Jake in the delivery room. I needed his support, and he’d always agreed. However, a few weeks before my due date, Jake started acting strange. He was distant, distracted, and wouldn’t engage in any baby-related discussions. I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad, so I didn’t press him too much.
The day I went into labor, Jake drove me to the hospital but seemed off. He was quiet and kept checking his phone. When we got there, he pulled the nurse aside and spoke to her privately. She came back and told me Jake wouldn’t be in the delivery room because he was ‘uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures.’ I was stunned. He’d never mentioned this before. I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, ‘I can’t do this.’
I was heartbroken and furious, but I didn’t have much time to dwell on it as my contractions were getting stronger. Jake said he’d be in the waiting room and kissed me on the forehead before leaving. I was left alone, crying and feeling utterly abandoned.
Labor was long, painful, and traumatic. I was alone the entire time except for the medical staff. When our son was finally born, I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The nurse handed me my son, and all I felt was a deep sadness that Jake wasn’t there to share this moment.
After I was taken to a recovery room, I asked the nurse to get Jake. She came back and said he’d left the hospital hours ago. I couldn’t believe it. I called him repeatedly, but he didn’t answer. Finally, I sent him a text saying I was done and he could find his own way home.
I didn’t see him until the next day. He showed up at the hospital with flowers and an apology, saying he’d panicked and needed some air. He claimed he’d gone home to shower and change and fell asleep, which I didn’t buy for a second.
I told him I didn’t believe him. I was overwhelmed with anger and hurt, and I told him he had let me down in the worst possible way. He kept apologizing, saying he knew he’d messed up and he’d do anything to make it right.
I didn’t want him near me or our son at that moment, so I asked him to leave. He tried to protest, but I told him I needed time to process everything. He left, and I spent the rest of my hospital stay alone with my baby, trying to grapple with the enormity of what had happened.”
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
“Since then, Jake has been trying to make amends. He’s been taking parenting classes, attending therapy, and is constantly trying to be present and supportive. But I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in that delivery room, terrified and in pain, wondering why the person who promised to be by my side wasn’t there.
My family is split. Some think I’m being too hard on Jake, that he made a mistake and is clearly remorseful. They say he’s a good father and partner otherwise, and I should focus on moving forward for the sake of our child. Others think what he did was unforgivable and I should leave him. They believe I’ll never truly trust him again, and that’s no foundation for a marriage.
I’m torn. I do still love him, and I know he loves me and our son. But part of me wonders if I’ll ever get over this. Was it just a moment of weakness on his part, or a sign of something deeper that I can’t overlook?
So, AITA for leaving him at the hospital and now considering leaving him for good?”
Source: Anxious_Committee_42
It’s common for women to have some fears leading up to labor
While bringing a child into the world is an incredibly beautiful thing, what women have to go through to bring those precious babies here can be daunting. According to Robyn Horsager-Boehrer, M.D., at UT Southwestern Medical Center, about a fifth of women around the globe experience fear about giving birth at some point during their pregnancies. In fact, about half of all pregnant women in the United States worry about their labors.
As far as where these fears come from, Dr. Horsager-Boehrer says common concerns are about pain, maintaining control, the mother’s wellbeing, not trusting her own competence and the safety of her child during labor.
Sometimes, these fears can even manifest as symptoms like nervousness, stomach aches, nightmares and others sleeping problems. Anxious moms might also start making frequent trips to the hospital before they’re in labor or request a C-section delivery.
The Bump notes on their site that some other common fears include worrying about making it to the hospital on time, dying during childbirth, pooping during childbirth, getting (or not getting) an epidural, vaginal tearing and episiotomy, the labor not going according to plan, having a long labor and experiencing complications during delivery.
Women need all the support they can get while giving birth
These fears often extend past the point of giving birth as well, as many moms might worry about taking the wrong newborn home, dropping their child and simply being a bad parent.
Thanks to the hormonal changes that moms experience during pregnancy, it’s common for their anxiety to be even higher than normal. And, of course, when your baby is the most important thing in the world to you, it’s normal to be concerned about them.
That’s why new parents need as much support as they can get during pregnancy, labor and once their precious baby has been born. Now, when it comes to who’s invited into the delivery room during labor, it depends on the mom and her personal preferences. According to UNM Health, not every woman will want to have her partner present.
Some might actually prefer to have an experienced mother around, such as their best friend or their mom. Others might like to have a doula in the room with them, talking them through their labor. And some might want to be only with their nurse and doctor whom they trust.
But regardless of who’s there, it’s important to make a plan ahead of time. And in this particular story, the couple had clearly planned to be in the delivery room together.
Partners should come to the delivery room prepared and willing to help
When it comes to how partners can support new moms during labor, BabyCenter recommends first educating yourself and knowing what to expect. Being anxious or confused can make the mother even more stressed, but being cool, calm and collected can help her feel at peace.
Partners also need to remember to pack their own hospital bags, separate from the mother’s, so they don’t need to leave as soon as they need a snack or need to brush their teeth. Labor can last a long time, so it’s best to be prepared for anything. Speaking of being prepared, you should be mentally prepared as well. Don’t take anything your partner says personally while she’s in labor.
She may be in excruciating pain, scared, hungry, tired and more. If she’s not in the best mood, understand where her frustrations are coming from, and don’t try to pick a fight. She’s not trying to hurt your feelings. Offer encouragement and support, and if she asks for something, don’t hesitate to help. The most important thing she needs is to know that you’re there for her.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother has responded appropriately to her husband abandoning her during labor? Feel free to weigh in. Then, if you’re looking for another Bored Panda piece discussing similar issues, we recommend reading this one next!
Concerned readers had plenty to say about the story, and the mom shared additional details about the situation
Many readers supported the mother, and she continued to explain why her marriage is no longer working
