Marriage can be difficult for many couples. And because things can get extra tricky sometimes, taking a breather through a short vacation can be helpful for a much-needed reset.
In today’s story shared by Reddit user AskingHard, his wife went on a weekend getaway. With a list of chores, he decided to finish everything before his spouse returned. But he failed to complete one task after hurting himself while working, causing disappointment to his wife.
Now, he has turned to the internet for answers. Was he wrong for not getting everything done? Or should his wife have been more understanding, instead?
Arguments and heated moments between spouses are inevitable
Image credits: Anete Lusina / pexels (not the actual photo)
A husband decided to complete some tasks and chores at home as his wife went on a weekend getaway
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
But he threw his back out while completing a chore for one of his son’s rooms
Image credits: George Milton / pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP provided more details to his story for added context
Image credits: AskingHard
He also answered some questions
The husband expected appreciation, but instead, he got a cold shoulder
The situation between the original poster and his wife isn’t new among married couples with children. Research has shown that spouses report lower marital satisfaction when they become parents.
Outside of studies, anecdotal evidence says the same. Author Gemma Hartley thought she and her husband would be “better equipped” to handle the challenges of married life. It all changed when they had children.
“It didn’t take long after I gave birth to realize just how wrong I was,” Hartley wrote in an article for Romper. “Our once easy marriage suddenly became incredibly difficult, and because we had always enjoyed such an effortless relationship, I didn’t know how to cope. Neither did my husband.”
But what about having kids causes that sudden shift? Holly, a Canada-based mother, spoke to BBC, blaming the division of labor with her husband as the primary trigger of their fights.
“I had an emergency C-section. My body was falling apart. I was feeding two babies 24/7, not sleeping. And if one of them was crying, he would be like, ‘Oh, they just want you.’ I had so much rage towards him.”
Image credits: Mike Greer / pexels (not the actual photo)
Love cannot thrive without understanding one another, experts remind
Based on the OP’s account, there seems to be an apparent lack of understanding between him and his wife. For veteran psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., understanding holds a slightly heavier importance than love.
“Well-adjusted couples work and learn to understand one another’s evolving needs as the years go by. Alternatively, couples who bite the dust and divorce typically have suffered a breakdown in understanding, also known as empathy,” Dr. Bernstein wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
The OP admitted he was expecting a “boatload of appreciation” from his spouse. Meanwhile, his wife refused to help with the household duties because “she deserved a break.” Dr. Bernstein also spoke about this kind of situation in his piece.
“Our egos are what seem to get in the way of understanding those who we love and care about. Often, it is our need to be right that makes what others think and feel so wrong for us.”
Image credits: Thirdman / pexels (not the actual photo)
The comments section was divided. Those who sided with him lauded him for doing work despite the back pain
But those who went against him didn’t feel he deserved the appreciation from his wife
The husband shared his final thoughts about who he thinks was in the wrong
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich / pexels (not the actual photo)
