Author Anne Lamott once said that "expectations are resentments waiting to happen".
In much of my work, I see humans place unrealistic expectations upon pets such as: "I want my dog to stay home for eight hours a day, five days a week while I go to work".
"I want my puppy to be social with other unknown people and with other unknown dogs. I want my dog to stop barking at people and dogs walking by the house. I want my dog to be outside every day and every night now because my partner has moved in and they don't like my dog. I want my dog to stop being scared."
So let's take a step back for a moment. Firstly, we really need to understand that animals brought into our homes are captive animals. Yes, the puppy or dog you bring into your home is a captive animal.
Why are they captive animals? Because they are animals held by humans and prevented from escaping, they are almost completely dependent on us to provide for their physical, emotional and social needs. They are under human control.
They cannot live as they wish to live.
This is opposed to the street dog or wild dog that can choose where they sleep, what they eat, who they mate with and which humans and other animals they will or will not interact with.
If we are going to bring a captive animal into our homes and remove most of their choices, then we should be learning about the animal in front of us and how to give them the best life possible.
Not the life we think in our heads they should have or we want to have with them, but the life they want and need.
Many of us create these fantasies in our heads before even getting the puppy/cat/dog/kitten.
We imagine that the puppy will come to our children's soccer matches with us, sit at night in front of the fire, go to dog parks and have a wonderful time, go camping with us and be friendly with everyone and everything.
Life will be grand with a pet! We will just magically be so happy!
Then reality hits. Your dog does not want to say hello to other unknown strange people or dogs and might even lunge, bark and growl at them.
Your dog does not want to go to soccer, which scared the bejesus out of him or her and caused them to have a traumatic experience.
Your puppy poos and wees on your Egyptian rug, chews on everything and digs a tunnel to China.
Oh and by the way, nights are for witching hour where your puppy will pull your Ugg boots off, run around the house a million miles an hour and get into everything they can! That's the reality.
The problem is that people are putting unrealistic expectations on pets to fulfil the fantasies they have in their heads.
Many people come to see me and tell me, "I need to fix my dog because they are doing such and such".
That's not the question we should be asking. Instead, ask your dog who they are and what they need.
That will be the first question to ask. And do yourself a favour, get rid of all (yes all) your expectations that you have placed on the captive animal in front of you. Learn about the animal in front of you.
- Eve is a dog and cat behaviour and training specialist and runs Dogaholics Dog Training and Behaviour Services in Newcastle.
