By the time Lori was in her mid-30s, she was ready to settle down. “I was living alone in Chicago and I’d just started a klezmer band – it’s like Jewish folk music combined with jazz,” she says. “I was taking a break from my graduate studies in Russian language and literature.”
Internet dating wasn’t popular in 1995, but when she discovered an online bulletin board (a kind of forum) for Jewish singles, she decided to try it. “There were not many women online then. It was mostly me and lots of computer programmers,” she says, laughing.
She saw an advertisement placed by Marc, a music buyer for a record company and an amateur musician. “I was moving to a career in IT,” he says. “I’d purchased some database software for my personal computer and decided to teach myself.” Like Lori, he felt ready to settle down, so he joined the bulletin board, describing who he was and what he was looking for.
“He was so whimsical and poetic, and had an unconventional way of communicating,” says Lori. “He seemed humble and humorous, so I called the information line to get his number. When we spoke, I instantly loved his voice.”
They arranged to meet the following week, but it wasn’t love at first sight. “I came straight from the synagogue where I was a cantor [the person leading the singing],” she says. “I was wearing a choir outfit and he was in biker boots with a big earring. He was a punk, which left me a bit shocked.”
While Marc thought Lori was beautiful, he admits his style was “more edgy”. “It was nice chatting and we talked about music, but I don’t think either of us thought it would work out. I did like her, though, so I decided to call her back.” They began dating casually after that, sometimes meeting up for concerts, but things didn’t get serious for a couple of months.
“In July, there was a record-breaking heatwave in Chicago,” says Lori. “It was so hot that people were dragging mattresses outside to sleep in their front yards. I asked Marc if he had an air conditioner and he didn’t.” Not wanting him to struggle in the oppressive heat, she invited him to stay at her flat, as a friend, to sleep on her floor. “My AC was so bad it only cooled the lower half of one room, but we ate a lot of fruit salad and talked so much. We started having real conversations and realised we had lots of shared values, like religion and family.”
Marc says that staying together for the week “got rid of the superficial stuff”. “You get to know someone by being in their space and we started to really understand each other.” From then on, they were officially a couple. The next year, they decided to move in together.
“I knew she was the woman for me, so I contacted my uncle who worked in the jewellery business in Antwerp and sent him every last dime I had for a ring,” says Marc. They married in 1997, and their daughter was born the year after.
They bought a house in Skokie, Illinois, with a studio for Lori’s music. She decided not to return to university and became a full-time musician, while Marc continued his career in computer programming and database administration.
Callout
Over the years, they have supported each through everything, including the deaths of their fathers. Marc says it’s also the way they experience the joyful moments together that makes their relationship so special. “We’ve travelled to California, New York, Florida, the UK, Belgium and, recently, Hawaii, where we’ve always wanted to go. We really look forward to our vacations.”
Lori loves how they don’t always need words to communicate, and can express themselves through a touch or gesture. “Marc has a great sense of humour and he always has a funny quip that comes out of nowhere. He keeps me smiling.”
Marc appreciates his partner’s guidance. “Being a data person and an introvert, I’m really comfortable with computers, but I’m not overly verbal,” he says. “She encourages me to be more outgoing and will help me talk to others. She takes me away from being a wallflower. We really complement each other.”
