I’m not sure how desperate a day with the kids would need to get to make this animated adventure from Russia an appealing option. It’s possible that standing in a 76-minute downpour would be more fun (and cheaper). Or being locked in a broom cupboard with a toddler tantrumming about the wrong colour icing on a cupcake. This is a family movie that is spectacularly boring, animated on the cheap, and dubbed into English by bored-sounding actors.
The story revolves around Drybone, a man who long ago became immortal. He’s meant to be a fiend but speaks like an apathetic IT helpdesk engineer at five-minutes-to-clock-off. For centuries, Drybone has been searching for a bride, assisted by his two bat sidekicks, Bram and Stoker. (Minor irritation: the film looks like it’s set in the middle ages; Bram Stoker died in 1912.) Anyway, in a nearby town a plucky maiden called Barbara the Brave is a champion jouster who beats all the fellas that challenge her – but in principle she’s up for marrying the man who can beat her.
