As the new year approaches, so will the desire to reinvent ourselves – maybe this is the year to get outside, drink less, eat healthier. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s the year to practice rest and restoration.
Taking time to identify and lay out goals over the holiday season is a time-honored tradition, and touches on the work licensed clinical psychologists do with patients every day. To enjoy success – however you define it – psychologists say the best changes are personal, start small and tackle expectations – our own, and those we might have internalized.
“One of my favorite phrases in therapy, which is just kind of meant to be a little bit silly, is ‘stop should-ing on yourself’,” said Jennifer Caspari, an associate psychologist and cognitive behavioral therapist in Colorado. What she means, she said, is to, “sit down and strip away that sense of ‘should’,” and instead focus on the values you feel are important.
“A very common example of that is people think they should value fitness,” said Caspari. “That is genuinely important to some people – and genuinely not important to others.”
One of the exercises she uses in her own practice is to give people a list of value-based words – such as achievement, curiosity, or independence – and then define what the words mean to the individual. If it feels like that value isn’t being fulfilled, then perhaps it’s time to make a plan to change that. Using the value of curiosity as an example, that could involve reading a book, taking a class or going to the library once a month; those steps are all attainable and specific.
This approach mirrors “Smart” goal-setting – an acronym that stands for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. If that sounds corporate, it is. The goals were first developed by a management consultant in the 1980s. The strategy is ubiquitous, but also widely criticized for being outcome-oriented.
It can also be helpful, said licensed clinical psychologist Molly Sherb, to start with something less specific, but informed by your own needs.
“The new year’s resolution you’re setting now should be aligned with what you’re doing now,” said Sherb. “Maybe it should be getting outside now. It may be you’re feeling bored or flat, so want to try something new.”
Either way, it should focus on the now and “be shorter-term rather than something you set for the entire year”.
Although it may be counterintuitive, setting goals that are relatively small changes can lead to the greatest success.
“You want to make sure you’re starting with what feels easiest, which I think is a little bit counterintuitive,” said Sherb. “But the reason you want to start with what’s easiest is you want to feel that sense of achievement, of success – because that’s going to keep you motivated to do the harder things down the road.”
In all cases, the goal of setting the goal should be to get in touch with yourself, your values and your own needs today, both Sherb and Caspari said.
“New year’s resolutions are very manufactured pressure to change, but anytime is a good time to make a change,” said Sherb. “If it doesn’t feel right for you, if you don’t have the bandwidth,” then, “Let yourself settle into the new year.”
And remember: “It’s also an option in February, March, April, May and July.”
