There were many worthy contenders for the family film of Christmas 2023 - it should have been an easy shot. We’ve been spoiled for choice with an upcoming awards season and fortunately timed online streaming releases, all perfect fodder for festive watching.
So many obvious picks: a Boxing Day cinema trip to see Timothée Chalamet cosplay as Willy Wonka, a housebound rewatch of Barbie with the little ones who’ll never understand the Mussolini jokes but will be pacified by the “I’m Just Ken” musical number. Even Oppenheimer, now that people can take more convenient toilet breaks and dads can moderate the volume of the atomic bomb (“Too loud, that”), seemed like a viable option.
And yet, it was a late entry from Emerald Fennell that seems to have scored the top spot for festive period family viewings. Saltburn, with its relatively permissive age rating of 15 and its slightly misleading trailer, has successfully lured families into a false sense of security. And a lot of them, too - it’s the top film on Amazon Prime video right now, overtaking its impressive roster of Christmas flicks, and has been for days.
At best, families will settle in expecting The Talented Mr Ripley with a dash of Skins. At worst, they’re expecting something tame and erudite, like The Remains of the Day. None of these options will prepare them for what’s to come.
Banshees of Inisherin favourite Barry Keoghan plays Oliver Quick, a lonely Oxford student who stays with sexy, rich himbo Felix (Jacob Elordi) at his country estate Saltburn for the summer as he shelters from his troubled home life. It's had mixed reviews and some pretty adverse reactions, questions as to whether its skewering the upper class or defending them, all of which is adding to the buzz around the film. But aside from that debate, it's the outrageous visceral moments that are really doing the business in bringing the film attention.
And so the nicely cuddled up brood will start to shift in their seats as they come to realise that yes, Keoghan is going to guzzle the semen from the bathtub drain. This will not be the last unfortunate realization of this kind during the viewing process, as graves are defiled and tubes pulled from necks, and the Sophie Ellis Bextor needle drop screeches.
That, or knowing Gen Zs have stuck the film on with full awareness of what it will do to their family. According to TikTok and Twitter, this seems to be the case in a few households, where young family members have filmed their relatives reacting to the film with horror and disgust. It’s provided a sort of ultra-specialised Gogglebox. One Twitter user posted screenshots from his parents telling him to leave the house and “go on a walk” after making the family watch Saltburn. Banished, presumably to think on his sins.
And yet, there’s something that makes sense about it. Saltburn isn’t the first grotesque, vaguely traumatising film to take hold of Christmas family viewing in recent years. Last year The Menu, which features finger amputation, suicide and the burning of human smores, seemed to be the main non-Christmas film that cut through the betwixmas period. In 2019, Uncut Gems had a strange hold over festive viewing, as did Nightcrawler back in 2014.
As it transpires, a dose of disgusting is actually quite unifying. Because once you get through it, you at least have something to talk about. A shared experience, a mutual suffering - it’s akin to trauma bonding in that way. Perhaps this is the root of Saltburn’s festive success, or perhaps it really is Boomer lambs being led to the slaughter by their younger relatives.
Either way, this strange, sadistic flick will forever be remembered as the film the whole family had to suffer through in Christmas 2023. At least it was memorable.
