Emma Beddington is absolutely spot-on about the overwhelming feelings of grief when children leave home (‘It struck me like a thunderbolt’: how to survive empty-nest syndrome – and come out smiling, 15 September). My main fear was of my own neediness. I couldn’t phone my son in his first week at Manchester in case he cut the call short – I would have felt devastated. So I waited. Eventually I got a text: “What shall I buy for my first food shop?” I was elated. The boy who’d refused to cook at home was about to do just that, and he was asking my advice.
By the end of term he was making curries from scratch with one of his flatmates, and we were exchanging messages about recipes and ingredients. Since then the kids, now graduated, have set up a WhatsApp group, for us, them and their partners. Contact is maintained through shared jokes, YouTube links and naff or stupid news stories. I have an Instagram account to view their photos. We still have our humour and interests in common; the relationship hasn’t ended but continues to evolve. As a male friend gruffly put it: “You’ll survive it; we all do.”
Stephanie Calman
London
