A Leeds man’s “world collapsed” when his girlfriend had a miscarriage which “triggered five years” of a low mood.
Electrician Christopher Lang, 33, said he felt “numb to the world” and his relationship fell apart after he spiralled into a depression. He also opened up about how depression caused him to “neglect” himself, buying takeaways almost every day of the week and not bothering to exercise as he piled on the pounds.
The 33-year-old from Farsley took himself back to the agonising event when his now ex-partner miscarried about five years ago. Afterwards, he just wanted to “shut down”.
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Christopher said: “My lowest point was when the relationship I was in we were expecting a baby and we lost the baby. That’s what triggered the last five years of not being able to get out of my low mood until recently.
“My world collapsed. It was just total depression. It led to the breakdown of the relationship in the end because I just became a bit numb for a while.
“It used to be on my mind all the time. I found it difficult when a friend had a baby. It was a very difficult time. But my friend had a baby last year and I found great joy in his happiness.
“It’s mourning the loss of an imagined future. Before you even know the gender of the baby, you’ve got a picture in your head and you’re sleeping every night next to this thing which is growing. It is hard to talk about.”
Christopher, who works as the electrical installation course leader at Leeds City College, said he wishes he’d spoken to a grievance counsellor at the time. He spoke of how his silence resulted in him “neglecting” himself.
He worries he has ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and says this manifests its way into his depression. Christopher said: “Money just trickles through my fingers like water. Takeaways, unhealthy cycles and going out to the pub. The money’s just gone.
“I might get takeaway or buying food out, like KFC on the way home, paying over the odds for things about five days a week. Anything but cooking. Low mood affects every aspect of your life.
“I’d totally neglect myself, I wouldn’t be training or exercising and I’d be feeling like I wasn’t able to perform as I wanted to at work which makes added stress as well. My interpersonal relationships with family as well, things like it.”
Christopher has been attending sessions at suicide prevention charity Andy’s Man Club which he has spoken very highly of. The organisation holds group sessions where men can speak about their depression in a safe environment.
The college lecturer is raising money for the charity by undertaking a 30-mile kayaking expedition from Skipton to Leeds. You can support the effort here.
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