.jpg?width=1200&auto=webp)
Joe Tracini is a man on a mission - to make others see that people like him with a diagnosed personality disorder are not as often portrayed in the media and in films.
The 36-year-old former Hollyoaks star - who is the son of comedian and I’m A Celebrity winner Joe Pasquale - has fought a number of personal demons over the years, including drug and alcohol misuse and being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in his late 20s.
BPD severely effects how a person thinks and feels about themselves and other people, leading to intense, unstable emotions, chronic insecurity and intrusive thoughts, with sufferers 50 times more likely to die by suicide. Up to 75 percent of patients will attempt suicide.
Tracini spoke candidly about his own struggles in his 2022 book, Ten Things I Hate About Me, and in Channel 4 documentary, Me And The Voice In My Head, which aired earlier this year.
The personality disorder is also the subject of his new stand-up comedy show, Ten Things I Hate About Me, which he will perform for the first time at the Apollo Theatre in London on August 25.
Speaking to the Standard, Tracini is very open and honest. He also acknowledges that one of the biggest hurdles he has to overcome first is himself, as he has a constant intrusive voice in his head, whom he has named Mick, after Jagger, telling him everything is going to all go to pot.
“All mental illnesses are a real nightmare, especially nowadays because if you can’t see something, you can deny it and everybody wants to,” he begins.
“I think that sympathy isn’t something that I require ever in my life and I get a lot of it in a nice way. People are often very kind in that way, but I am so emotional I understand that people care, but it’s not what I need, I just need help to keep going.
“I think one of the problems with BPD - and there are a few, is the press that it gets over time is just an absolute nightmare. The only time that I’ve seen BPD represented on telly is in crime documentaries and it’s never the lawyer. I don’t relate to that, there has been nothing to relate to that and I am very lucky that over the years people have given me the opportunity to speak about how I am, how I feel and why I feel it without prejudging me as a thing,” he continued.
“I also don’t debate it, I don’t go on telly and sit next to someone that’s going to try and tell me that my feelings aren’t real because they are. They are not necessarily based on reality, but I’m feeling them and they are happening. Mental health is not an opinion so that’s another thing I try and keep away from. I have enough doubts about the things that I think, I don’t need someone else telling me that they think I’m wrong as well.”
As for what people can expect who come and watch his show, which has been at least four years in the making, he says: “It’s a show about mental illness to an extent, but it’s not me stood there describing what my life is like. It’s an hour of standup comedy.
“Everybody for my whole life has always thought - well, the vast majority - think I’m making a mental illness up because you can’t see it, especially because I’m actor as well. People are like ‘well you’re not really sad, you’re acting’, so I’ve sort of doubled down on that and written my show to try and explain exactly what mental illness feels like but in a way that it’s formed.
“So even though I’m just doing standup, I’m going to be acting even more mentally ill than I am at that time – not pretending – but I’m trying to find a way to explain what mental illness is like to people that have got it and people that haven’t without it feeling like you’re watching a car crash which hopefully, I feel like finally after doing at least 40 car crashes over the last few years, this will be the one that actually works and I’m quite looking forward to it.”
For more information and to buy tickets for Joe Tracini’s Ten Things I Hate About Me at London’s Apollo Theatre on August 25, visit www.theapollotheatre.co.uk
If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch
