Amid a pall of exhaust fumes, the Yowie-mobile splutters to a stop in the manicured circular driveway of Bundanoon's Osborn House.
Somehow the polished trio of staff who rush out to welcome us keep straight faces. I'm not sure anyone driving a clapped-out Jeep and clad in a Lowes flannie and tattered akubra has rocked up at this exclusive hotel since it flung open its gold-plated doors a couple of years ago.
While the concierge asks for my keys (good luck starting it!), two porters grab our bags and usher us along a winding path into the ritzy reception where a couple of glasses of French rosé are poured for us. Apparently, our luggage is already in our room. I guess first impressions count.
But before we check in for our ultra-chic special anniversary weekend escape, I lead Mrs Yowie out the back of the luxe retreat and towards a grassy knoll where, calmly, I lie on my back and gaze at the sky.
I did the same thing on this very spot 42 years ago with my mum and sister. It was one of our first holidays without dad who was working night shift. Mum wanted to let him sleep so we got to enjoy the exotic pleasures of what was then a budget guesthouse.
Compared to its current embodiment which is lauded by those in the know as one of the best hotels in the world, it was modest to say the least.
Not that we cared. It broke up the boredom of school holidays. Even more - it was my first buffet breakfast. Out-of-date Coco Pops and cold toast with jam. What more could you want?
There was also an indoor pool that was way too cold to even contemplate dipping a big toe in, so we resorted to walks in the gorge-riddled Moreton National Park. We also bravely hired a bike from Bundanoon's Ye Olde Bicycle Shoppe. It was shiny red and had three seats. If only it also had working brakes.
While nursing our grazes back at the guesthouse, we lay on the grass and made out shapes in the clouds. It's no doubt the genesis of my interest in "seeing" common objects resembled in nature, many examples of which have featured in this column's Simulacra Corner over the last 15 years. Unfortunately, there's not a single cloud in the sky today, just a beautiful blank blue canvass.
Finally, back at reception, with Mrs Yowie still brushing grass from my back, we quaff our welcome drink and are ushered upstairs to our room.
With its four-poster bed, freestanding bath, double shower, Juliette balcony and drool-worthy inclusions, it's a far cry from the dorm-style beds and communal bathrooms of my childhood visit.
"It's Downton Abbey meets Bridgerton" exclaims Mrs Yowie.
"Oh, actually some of the cast from Bridgerton stayed here just a few weeks ago," responds our attentive host.
Talk about big brownie points.
For me it all seems a bit over the top. I'm more at home with unzipping a tent fly than pushing open French doors, but Mrs Yowie is lapping it up.
She's already booked a visit to the day spa, slipped into a gown and slippers, and is sipping on the welcome aperitifs.
While she didn't bunk down here in the early 1980s, like fellow hordes of health-conscious Canberrans, she made the pilgrimage several times during the property's previous incarnation as Solar Springs Health Retreat.
She'd always go alone. A knock on your door at 6am with some lycra-clad fitness freak hollering "rise and shine!" and a pre-dawn calisthenics session followed by a kale and spinach shake wasn't my idea of a holiday. It still isn't.
Back downstairs we take a wander. The staff seem genuinely warm and friendly. Refreshingly, there's none of the snooty painted-on platitudes that I was expecting.
The 1980s pool is still there, only now it's perfectly heated, surrounded with cabana daybeds bookended by a sauna and a whirlpool with a view.
Mmm, maybe I could get used to this after all.
We'd planned dinner at Bottega B Ristorante in the village. But with the fires roaring and the sun setting, nothing can tear us away from this heavenly haven. No, not even Bottega B's signature beef saltimbocca.
Instead, we enjoy (another) pre-dinner drink at George's and score a table at the upmarket inhouse Dinah's, where not even Linda Boronkay, the former in-house designer for the members-only Soho House, and who is the mastermind behind most of the interior decorating here, could out-do our framed view out the window.
Prior to COVID, I ran a graveyard tour around the village and would visit the graves of both Dinah and her husband George.
It was these two 19th-century movers and shakers who in 1892 built the property as their grand residence, later transforming it into The Knoll, a guesthouse cashing in on Bundanoon's heyday for honeymooners.
Naming their twin nosherys in the couple's honour is a more generous nod to the heritage of the place and if I wasn't already won over, I am now.
Sure, our one-night stay was worth more than the Yowie-mobile as a trade-in. But was it worth it?
You betcha.
Luckily, I've got 10 more years to save up for our next big anniversary.
Readers remember landmark building
The appearance of the John Gorton Building, formerly the Administrative Building, in this column's photo quiz promoted much correspondence about the landmark building's prolonged period of construction.
Tony May of Pearce reports "construction of this building actually began [in 1928] across the road from its present site near where the National Gallery of Australia now stands".
According to Tony, "when it was discovered that the concrete foundations (supposed to be the largest of its kind in the southern hemisphere) were deficient in strength, that site was abandoned in favour of the building's present location".
Tony reports "the remains of the original foundations remained upturned for quite some time before being removed".
Has anyone got photos of this? If so, I'd love to see them.
John Hawke of Red Hill also recalls these original foundations, revealing "little did I realise when I saw these laying on the ground in the 1940s that I would later have a more involved association with the [final] reconstructed building in the 1950s".
"In 1956 [when the building opened], the Attorney-General's Department, of which I was employed, moved from the West Block building to the Administrative Building," explains John.
According to John, "at that time, the only part of the building available for occupation was that facing the rose gardens (Parkes Place) where the large staircase exists. This part represented probably one-third of the entire building and the remaining two-thirds remained an empty shell which, as youngsters, we enjoyed exploring".
Meanwhile, with respect to a question that arose from an earlier photo quiz, Tony May further reveals that the Northbourne corner of the Sydney Building in Civic was initially occupied by Snows Menswear before in later years becoming Fletchers. And Tony ought to know for between 1953 and 1958 he lived nearby in the Melbourne Building, directly above the Bank of NSW where his father was manager.
WHERE IN THE REGION?
Rating: Medium
Clue: Between a henge and a ghost town
How to enter: Email your guess along with your name and address to tym@iinet.net.au. The first correct email received after 10am, Saturday August 3 wins a double pass to Dendy, the Home of Quality Cinema.
Last week: Congratulations to Peter Lambert of Campbell who was first to correctly identify last week's photo as Cascade Hut, just to the south-west of Thredbo, in Kosciuszko National Park. Peter just beat many readers, including Jordan Gannaway of Holder, Roger Shelton of Spence and Christopher Lee, to the prize.
Matthew Higgins, who submitted the photo he took in 2011, reports "it was built in 1935 for the Nankervis family as shelter during snow-lease grazing trips. Author Elyne Mitchell wrote of her first ski to the hut from Charlotte Pass in her 1940s classic Australia's Alps. The area featured in her Silver Brumby novels too. My first walk there with friends was in the early 1990s, en route to Cowombat Flat, The Cobberas in Victoria, and the lower Snowy River. Volunteer conservation work parties keep the place alive. During my ski there in 2011, I pondered Elyne's trip 70 years before. Great place, great memories."
SIMULACRA CORNER
During a recent trip to Cocoparra National Park near Griffith, Jonathan Miller stumbled upon this "(dino)saurian rock". Heck, the more you look at it, the more it resembles the head of a giant lizard. Check out it's slit eyes and bulbous nose. Run!
- CONTACT TIM: Email: tym@iinet.net.au/ or Twitter: @TimYowie or write c/- The Canberra Times, GPO Box 606, Civic, ACT, 2601
