There’s an alternate timeline out there, in deep and infinite space, where Idris Elba is actually in good things. You’re not allowed to mention The Wire to me, because The Wire ended 15 years ago. You’re not allowed to mention Luther to me, because Luther is one of those curious shows that only exists in the abstract form – as ‘something other people watch’ – and you haven’t actually seen. But you have to wonder what the other universes are doing with their infinite sexy Idris Elbas, what fantastic films and shows they have him in. We are on the worst Idris Elba timeline, for sure. We are on the one where he did those Sky adverts and kept turning up places for the entire summer of 2019 to DJ a surprise set. We have the Idris Elba that is set to star in a Sonic the Hedgehog series for Paramount+.
We are also the only universe, I have to assume, that has the series Hijack (from Wednesday 28 June, Apple TV+) about Idris Elba being on a plane. The pitch is this: Idris Elba got on a plane from Dubai to Heathrow carrying absolutely no hand luggage at all. This is not the worst part, but it’s the part that has stuck with me the most: not even an iPad, a washbag? It’s a seven-hour flight. Not even a pair of headphones? A change of socks? He bought a Gucci bracelet for his ex-wife that he keeps wistfully fondling, and that’s it. Nobody has a problem with this? Nobody has an issue with this? OK, sure. Sure!
