It's only January 2nd, you guys, and already I'm tired. Not because I stayed out too late partying and didn't get enough sleep, but because I really want folks to just collectively agree to be cool and not try to screw each other over in every possible way.
Sometimes, even literally. While I've definitely been known to waffle on about screws in the past, fair warning, I'm about to do it again. And this time, it's about a screw you probably don't have the corresponding driver for, which is precisely the point. For the record, I don't either, and if BMW has anything to say about it, only the folks they deem 'authorized' ever will. Yep, BMW is introducing a new security screw where the driver will likely only ever be owned by BMW.
Security screws are nothing new; they've been around for ages, with various head shapes you can find patents for dating back to the beginning of the modern patent system. If you're a consummate DIYer, chances are excellent that you already own a set of these somewhere in your stash, and also that you'll pick up a few more along the way as you delve into this or that new project.
Case in point: Over the holidays, I finally got around to replacing the dead, malfunctioning screen and corresponding circuit board on my original Nintendo Game Boy from childhood. I'd had the replacement parts for some time, but the first time I sat down to do it, I realized that I needed yet another specialty screwdriver that I didn't have, because Nintendo had done what Nintendo is infamous for doing, and it used a proprietary screw (well, multiple of them) to hold the Game Boy's case together.
But that's meant I've had to set my project aside YET AGAIN while I waited for the necessary Y-point screwdriver to arrive (shoutout to iFixit), all because someone long ago at Nintendo attempted to prevent regular people from opening up their game consoles and servicing them on their own. And guess what? They failed, because DIYers are nothing if not resilient.
Well before the advent of 3D printing technology getting as good and as readily available as it is now, DIYers have been finding ways to both make the tools they need, as well as share both the tools and knowledge necessary to help folks fix their stuff and/or create new stuff. That's a spirit that stays with us and remains strong even as available technologies change.
But that doesn't mean that it's not both frustrating and exhausting when companies continue to persist in their efforts to prevent owners of equipment, be they game consoles or motorcycles or cars, from fixing the things they paid their hard-earned money for.
Many of us aren't experts, it's true, but if we've bought a thing, shouldn't it be our right to try to fix it ourselves if we want? If we make mistakes, hopefully they're the kind that we can learn from and do better next time. That's how a lot of people have learned for generations: figuring out why they failed, making a mental note, and proceeding differently the second time through.
BMW Has A New Proprietary Screw Patent, And It's Bad, You Guys
I frequently try to view things positively, sometimes even when I shouldn't. But there's no good way to sugarcoat this one, particularly not when the actual text of the patent so plainly expresses contempt for anyone other than authorized persons removing these screws.
The patent is written in German, but the translation of a key line in the second paragraph of the description works out to something like "a disadvantage here is that such drive structures [referring to standard types like slot heads, PoziDriv, Torx, and others] frequently occur in such a way that screw connection produced with corresponding screws can be released or tightened in a simple manner by persons."
You read that right; the argument in favor of the new screw head design that this patent is proposing is that other screws are simply too EASY for regular folks to operate! If I sound mad, it's because I am.
And you should be, too. Because this isn't even some misguided attempt at keeping unwitting DIYers safe from some particularly dangerous part of the vehicle, where they might conceivably hurt themselves if they make a hamfisted move. How do I know? Because the patent text spells out examples of where it can be used.
One such place that it suggests is "the connection of the center console to the load-bearing body structure and/or the connection of the cockpit to the load-bearing body structure and/or the connection of the seat system ... These screw connections could be located in the region of the vehicle that is visible to the user of a vehicle, so that the protection against unauthorized release of the screw or a manipulation of the screw with standard tool drives could be made more difficult."
Like, they're not even saying the quiet part loud here, guys. There is no quiet part; they just want to make these screws more difficult for anyone that isn't authorized by BMW to remove. Why? Because they don't want you working on the vehicle you nominally own.
But There's Another Layer, And You'll See It If You Look At These Screws In The Patent Drawings
This goes beyond your regular old security screws, I'm afraid. Remember how I mentioned that Y-point screwdriver I had to get my hands on before I could successfully open up my Game Boy to fix it? I was able to purchase it from a third party that sells them, because although Nintendo made an unnecessary hurdle, at least they didn't go to the effort of making the head of each screw involve engagement with a tiny Nintendo logo. That made it much easier for toolmakers to produce their own versions of the necessary tool, thus expanding access to regular folks who just want to fix their stuff.
But imagine if they had? Folks, that's what BMW's new patent aims to do. By creating carefully sculpted screw heads in the shape of the BMW propeller logo you know and love, they not only make it a proprietary situation; they make it a potential trademark infringement situation.
Meaning, it'd be much more difficult for third-party companies to create their own drivers to sell to DIYers to work on the BMW vehicles using these screws that they've purchased. I'm sure there are folks who will try (and risk patent/trademark/copyright infringement lawsuits), but probably not very many.
If BMW decides to go this route, and also incorporates these screws into its future vehicle designs, it will make it even tougher for folks to work on their own vehicles than it already is. And truly, it doesn't matter if you've never owned a BMW and never plan to own a BMW. If you believe in the right to repair your stuff, this should be everyone's fight, because if one major OEM gets away with it, guess what others are going to do after someone else has paved the way?
Is it possible that BMW could also simultaneously choose to make licensed screwdrivers that can be used on these screws, then make them available for purchase directly from the company's retail outlets and catalogs?
Sure, but then it would certainly corner the market, in a way that simply stamping a BMW logo on a set of regular screwdrivers could never hope to match. Again, I know that motorcycle and automotive OEMs have been using weird, proprietary tools for a very long time (bizarre oil filter wrenches are now coming unbidden into my mind), but making a screw head design an actual company logo somehow seems like a more blatant middle finger toward those of us who like working on our own stuff.
So, I'm begging you, BMW and anyone else thinking of making a move like this. Please don't. Your vehicles bring joy to lots of people. There's a reason you have millions of enthusiasts around the world, who gather in droves to celebrate your history every year. I know you're in business to make money, but this isn't the way.
