Here’s Every Single Way Yr Life Will Change When You Get An Xbox, From Someone Who Just Got One

I was once like you. Trust me, that pain you feel deep inside — well, it’s not so much pain, is it? More like a deep-seated discontent, a quiet malaise, a soft sadness permeating deep from your innermost psyche, like a mould growing slowly along the cracks of a long abandoned well, cast in literal and metaphorical darkness.  You are sad, and it’s not because you’re stuck giving half of your life to a job that sucks everything out of you (yay capitalism). Allow me to diagnose: you are sad because you do not have an Xbox.