For 60 years, cane farmer Bill Hobbs has been getting up at the crack of dawn, pulling on his work boots and getting the job done — but this year the boots feel heavier, the early starts are harder, and the job isn't getting done.
The smile on his face is a mask, covering the deep wound of the most heartbreaking season he has ever experienced.
Wet weather and a lack of workers made what was already a difficult harvest even harder.
"I've lived a long time; I've gone through 60 years of growing sugar cane ... I think in all that time, this year would probably be the most demoralising year for cane growers," Mr Hobbs said.
And he feared many other farmers were feeling the same way.
"They talk about the black dog; the black dog's out there everywhere, because the farmer's just putting on a strong front," he said.
Despite their natural resilience, in a year where so much went wrong outside of their control, Mr Hobbs said remaining positive had pushed them to the limit.
"You can't be negative, otherwise you get drowned," he said.
"If you're stressed out about it, it'll kill you."
A year of missed opportunities
Cane growers understand hardship. There have been many failed crops, poor prices and tough weather seasons to overcome.
But this year feels different.
Watching a large, healthy crop sit in a paddock unable to be harvested as high sugar prices went begging had many labelling it the "year of missed opportunities."
Canegrowers Mackay chairman Kevin Borg says wet weather, mill performance and labour shortages have all contributed to the difficult season.
"The real gem in in this year has been the sugar prices we've seen for the last 12 months, that's a real shining light in the difficulties that we've had this year," he said.
"But growers are really concerned about getting the crop off, [getting] that income."
With forward prices into 2023 recently hitting between $570 and $660 a tonne, the highest they had been since at least 2019 and up from a low of $354 in 2020, Mr Borg says growers can't take advantage of it.
"Even though we've got a bigger crop and at a higher price, I think cash flow for growers is worse than what it was," he said.
With bills piling up and no income, Mr Hobbs worries what the financial pressure will mean for his fellow growers' mental health.
"I've been farming a long time so I've always planned to make sure that there's a little bit in the bottom part of my pocket that I can't reach that you can have to draw on to try and get out," he said.
"If you're a young farmer starting off, you're going to have to talk to your bank manager very friendly, very kindly, because he's a guy who's going to have to help you out."
Coping with the disappointment
Dealing with bogged paddocks and swamped feelings is all in a day's work for Mary O'Brien.
The founder and chief executive of mental health service Are you Bogged Mate? helps men living in rural areas manage their wellbeing.
She said it's important for farmers who were feeling disheartened to connect with others, especially those who may be in similar positions.
"We're certainly not alone in this when we're going through a tough spot, even though sometimes it does feel like it," she said.
"[It's helpful to be] spending time with people that you do feel comfortable to have a good whinge to and can understand what you're going through and are possibly going through it themselves.
"Even just getting together in industry groups, just with a few mates, is always a good thing to share those stories and talk about what's going on."
For Mr Hobbs, he says dealing with issues he feels he has no control over has been particularly hard.
"I'm a person who looks into the future and I'm planning all the time ahead… I've got to stop that now," he said.
"I've got to take it day by day because what you're planning is not going to happen."
Ms O'Brien said that for growers who are feeling a loss of control, it's important to focus on what they could influence.
"There's lots of things in our lives, whether it's the weather or other factors, that we can't control," she said.
"One of the things that we can control is looking for those good things and the positive things in your life, rather than constantly focusing on the things we can't."
