Hayden Panettiere has said an addiction to opioids left her no longer wanting to see her child.
The Heroes actor said she battled the addiction on top of postpartum depression.
“I’d think I hit rock bottom, but then there’s that trap door that opens,” the 32-year-old told People.
Panettiere shares a seven-year-old called Kaya with her ex, Ukrainian former professional boxer Wladimir Klitschko.
“I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn’t want to spend any time with her,” the Nashville actor added. “There was just this grey colour in my life.”
She said that her relationship with Klitschko began to break down due to her addiction and problem drinking.
“He didn’t want to be around me. I didn’t want to be around me. But with the opiates and alcohol I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I’d feel worse than I did before. I was in a cycle of self-destruction,” she explained.
In 2018, Panettiere decided to send Kaya to live with Klitschko in Ukraine. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I wanted to be a good mum to her — and sometimes that means letting them go.”
The actor added that she has taken part in trauma therapy and inpatient treatment over the past year, and that she is now sober.
“I put a lot of work into myself and I had to be willing to be incredibly honest,” she explained.
“This hasn’t been easy and there were a lot of ups and downs. But I don’t regret even the ugliest things that have happened to me. I feel incredibly accomplished. And I feel like I have a second chance.”
Panettiere, who is currently filming the sixth Scream film, says she was first offered opioids when she was 15.
“They were to make me peppy during interviews,” she explained. “I had no idea that this was not an appropriate thing, or what door that would open for me when it came to my addiction.”
She added that, as she got older, “the drugs and alcohol became something I almost couldn’t live without”.
Panettiere credits an eight-month stint in rehab as giving her the tools to “get over the hump”.
“I’m just so grateful to be part of this world again, and I will never take it for granted again,” she added.
