There’s a scene in the beloved 2011 comedy Bridesmaids where Rose Bryne’s insufferable character Helen organises an exclusive bridal appointment at a stuffy French couture showroom.
“It’s a Fritz Bernaise. Ladies, I just don’t think we can do any better,” Helen exclaims to the surrounding bridal party, while Annie (played Kristen Wiig) inspects the eggplant-toned gown to discover an alarming $800 price tag.
If you’ve ever had the privilege of receiving the honorary ‘Bridesmaid‘ title, then you’ll be familiar with the financial burden the badge bears. From the dress to the hens, accomodation to a wedding gift, saying ‘I do’ to joining a wedding party comes with an equally heavy financial commitment, that sadly does not come with a prenup.
“I’ve spent $7,884 attending bachelorette parties and weddings this year,” says bridesmaid Shann Detrick, who took to TikTok to provide a cost breakdown of her bridal party obligations.
“I spent $965 on a three night bachelorette in Palm Springs and then an additional $916 for the actual wedding. A second wedding bachelorette in Miami cost me $1425 with an extra $522 for the wedding itself. Following that, I attended a bachelorette in New Orleans for $1536, with an additional wedding cost of $2210. I’ve also just paid a $310 hotel deposit for a bachelorette party I’m attending next year. This total does not include wedding gifts, bridal showers or bridesmaid dresses.”
“This sounds about right,” comments one TikTok user in response to Detrick’s video. “It’s not realistic to assume all bridesmaids and friends could afford that,” argues another.
According to online wedding planner, The Knot the average bridesmaids reportedly spends a sobering $1,900 to maintain her coveted bridal party spot, with a third of bridal party members going into debt to cover related expenses. Raising the argument, how much are you expected to fork out for someone else’s big day?
What costs are you expected to cover?
You’ve spent the past few months tightening your belt, sacrificing your annual holiday and knuckling down on your finances. Then you get the call. Your best friend is holding up her ring finger and even though you’re elated at the news, you feel yourself beginning to calculate the financial set back this wedding will cost you.
“If you are having bridesmaid’s it is absolutely your responsibility to pay for them,” argues Claudia in a viral TikTok. “If you are requiring people to be in your wedding and you want them to wear a specific dress and shoes then you have to be prepared for pay for that.”
While an zero-cost obligation is ideal, it’s certainly not the norm. As a general rule, you should accept the honour of standing by your friends side with the understanding that there will be an expectation to cover certain costs. This will likely include your dress, shoes, accomodation, wedding gift and a contribution to organising the hens party.
How to set realistic expectations
Before planning has even began, you likely already know what side of the barometer, between extravagant affair and backyard bash, that your mate sit’s at.
Based on this assessment, and especially if your friend has Anant Ambani’s wedding on her Pinterest board, you need to make sure you manage expectations. While an outfit and bachelor party have become standards costs for a bridesmaid to cover, a destination hens or a designer dress is a huge ask especially in the current cost of living climate.
Making sure you are on the same page as the bride before you put your hand up for the job is important. If you are unable to agree on the cost, then you need to flag with your friend that rather than create resentment and sacrifice the friendship, unfortunately you need to turn down the honorary position.
Where can you cut costs?
You’ve said yes to the (bridesmaids) dress and now you have a $500 teal bias cut dress hanging in your closet. Rather than let it haunt you as a ghost of financial regrets past, consider selling it on Facebook marketplace or Depop to give another bridesmaid the opportunity to cut corners. Not only will you avoid living out your own 27 dresses hellscape, but you can then use the money to buy a dress from your own wish list (or put it towards your next bridesmaid dress…)
Alternatively, before you are added into the ‘bridesmaids 2025’ group chat, have a conversation about renting dresses and shoes rather than shopping new and investigate whether the bride is open to purchasing pre-loved.
While the hens is arguably the biggest expense in any bridal party, it’s also the hardest place to cut costs. If the bride is set on a certain destination, plan ahead and see if there are seasonal deals online or if there is a more budget-friendly alternative that offers a similar experience.
Remember, you are not responsible for bankrolling your friends big day. The best support your can offer your mates is your shoulder and not your salary. Now, bring on the baby showers!
This article originally appeared on Marie Claire Australia and is republished here with permission.
