When you think of the phrase “sex pest”, who springs to mind? That random bloke at the pub who always touches your lower back when he walks past you? The singer of any local pop-punk band? Louis C.K.? What about Hog’s Breath Cafe’s mascot Hogster, specifically the one who lives in Orange?
Yes, Hog’s Breath Cafe Orange made a post on Instagram addressing the fact Hogster has officially entered his #MeToo era.
“We love Hogster. He is the heart and soul of our restaurant,” it read.
“However, at times his enthusiasm can be mistaken for other emotions, particularly towards Eastern European women.
“Often when Hogster is trying to be welcoming and friendly people may feel as though he is being too ‘handsy’.”
There’s a lot to unpack here. Firstly: it’s valid to say that Hogster is the heart and soul of Hog’s Breath Cafe. Without him the establishment would simply be “Breath Cafe”, which sounds like a dog shit place that would serve cold, flaccid curly fries.
Secondly: how many Eastern European women are there in Orange, New South Wales? Is it actually a thriving metropolis for Belarusian expats? If so, why are they all dining at Hog’s Breath Cafe?
Thirdly: isn’t he being “hoofsy” and not “handsy”, per se? And would the anatomy of a hoof not prohibit him from groping effectively?
Do not think for a second that I am excusing the swindling swine’s actions. He must be held accountable for his inappropriate behaviour.
There’s just a lot about the whole situation that I don’t understand.
Like is Hog’s Breath Cafe Orange’s social media the most unhinged person on the fucking planet, going balls to the wall insane in that steakhouse? Or is this all an extremely elaborate yet specific bit?
The fine establishment in Orange is using social media pics from Hog’s Breath Cafe Kelmscott, which is in Perth. Like this meal which consists of grilled chicken breast with half an avocado on top.
And this bloke who’s ready to absolutely devour that sundae.
But could it simply be a case of a franchise sharing resources? Maybe Orange is a lawless place and they can get away with things that we can’t in the West.
Whatever the truth may be, according to the post, Hogster has thankfully learnt from his mistakes.
“We have spoken to Hoggy and he has crossed his hooves that he won’t do it again,” it read.
There are also wings on the menu at Hog’s Breath Cafe Orange.
“Pop in and try our Southern Style Wings today!”
has reached out to the Hog’s Breath Cafe Orange Instagram account for comment. Praying for a reply.
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