Actor and lifestyle entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow has revealed her annual Goop gifting guide for 2022.
Paltrow, the mind behind Goop’s vampire repellent, vagina crystals and genital-scented candle, never fails to surprise with her gift suggestions.
This year, Paltrow has apparently decided on a bizarre ‘poop’ theme, with an actual bag of faeces making the cut.
After reading through Goop’s many lists, we’re left to wonder – who on earth will be adding these items to their online shopping cart, other than GP herself?
Gucci dog accessories – $US1175 ($1848)
In Goop’s ‘Ridiculous but Awesome’ gift guide, Paltrow recommends a Gucci ‘GG’ style doggy bag holder.
The nine-centimetre-long bag costs $660 alone, and it doesn’t even include doggy bags.
If you want to get your hands on the matching collar and leash, also on the list, the total collection will set you back a whopping $1848.
Free-range compost – $US75 ($117)
You can find bags of manure in country Australia for a few bucks – sometimes even for free – but Goop’s gifting list has a much more expensive bag of faeces on its list.
Aptly titled ‘The Good Sh-t’, the manure comes from goats, horses, chickens and cows at Flamingo Estate in Los Angeles.
Flamingo Estate claims that it’s the “finest poop in LA”.
And priced at $117 for just four kilograms, you would hope it would live up to that promise.
Renova neon toilet paper – €18.75 ($29)
If that wasn’t enough poop-themed gifts for you, Goop has also suggested a six-pack of neon toilet paper for gifting season.
Portuguese retailer Renova claims to produce the “sexiest paper on Earth”.
You can add this colourful loo roll to your cart for $29.
Satin baguette holder – $US239 ($375)
Not only do dog poo bags need their own designer holders – so do baguettes, according to Goop.
Produced by tableware and homeware brand Gohar, the satin baguette sleeve is complete with bows and a handle.
The luxe but highly unnecessary accessory is priced at $375.
It’s much more expensive than your typical paper bag from the bakery, but we suppose it could double as a wine-bottle holder.
Underground cellar – €15,900 ($24,570)
Have $24,570 spare to spend on a Christmas present? In that case, Goop suggests installing a naturally cooling underground cellar in your loved one’s backyard.
Produced by Dutch company Groundfridge, the cellar is naturally cooled by the ground and big enough for 3000 litres of storage, and two people to stand in.
Certifiably ‘cool’, it’s truly a Christmas gift only the world’s richest could possibly afford.
Tufted boudoir chaise – $US28,500 ($44,800)
According to Goop, this chaise is perfect for the bedroom, living room or … dungeon?
This gifting list item is a little TMI (too much information) for us, thanks Gwyneth.
10-ounce gold bar – prices vary
According to Goop, a 10-ounce bar of gold from Oxford Gold makes the perfect paperweight.
According to GoldBroker.com, an ounce of gold is valued about $2600.
Multiply that number by 10 and that makes for one pricey paperweight.
Aeroski – $US599 ($941)
If you ask us, this may be Goop’s most comical suggestion.
The Aeroski is an at-home fitness machine that attempts to emulate what it’s like to be out on the slopes.
You also receive a pair of VR goggles for a more immersive experience.
To be fair to Goop, paying almost $1000 to see your loved ones swinging around this device with a VR headset on would be money well spent.
The Impossible Collection of Cigars – $US995 ($1565)
In a surprising move from health-obsessed Paltrow, she has suggested a 232-page book about cigars in her men’s guide.
Printed by luxury brand Assouline, the book will set you back a whopping $1565 and, from what we can tell, it doesn’t contain any cigars.
Personalised soul song – $US225 ($353)
Also on Goop’s list is a ‘personalised soul song’, courtesy of Song of the Soul.
If you fork out $353 to this company, they will compose a 12-minute piano composition “inspired by the planetary alignment” during the giftee’s birth.
“It’s as if the celestial symphony was performing a heavenly harmony in celebration of your path and purpose on Earth,” the company says on its website.
Luxe trips
If all the above items weren’t wacky or wonderful enough a present, Goop has also suggested a number of luxurious trips valued at hundreds of thousands a pop.
On Goop’s ‘Ridiculous but Awesome’ gift guide, they put forward two unbelievably expensive options.
The first: ‘The greatest safari on Earth’, with Roar Africa, valued at $US135,000 ($212,000) per person.
The second: A ‘Top to toe New Zealand Odyssey’ with Robertson Lodges ($US286,595 – $450,000), which includes stays at three luxurious lodges in Northland, Hawke’s Bay and Queenstown.
