ST. LOUIS _ Gwen Berry was looking for a little support last year after she raised a fist in protest on the podium at the Pan American Games during the playing of the national anthem.
Instead she was placed on probation by the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Committee.
Some of the support she was seeking came nearly a year later when the USOPC, reacting to protests of the killing of George Floyd, made a public statement backing its athletes who might be feeling "anger, frustration and uncertainty."
That message was delivered by CEO Sarah Hirshland, who had placed Berry on probation for 12 months. Perhaps fittingly, Berry was participating in a protest in Houston when Hirshland posted her message on Twitter.
When the graduate of McCluer High School in Florissant, Mo., read Hirshland's words, she responded with her own Twitter post.
She demanded an apology.
"Two days later Hirshland called, and initially she told me that she apologized and explained why she put me on the probation," Berry said. "To me, her apology wasn't sincere because she hadn't done enough history. If you're the CEO over an organization where a majority of athletes are Black, you should know historical references. She didn't do any history prior to putting me on probation, so I felt the apology wasn't genuine."
Berry has not had her probation revoked. She hopes the committee will consider changes to a rule in the Olympic charter that prohibits "demonstration or political, religious or racial propaganda."
Berry was training in the hammer throw for the Olympics when they were postponed until 2021. She finished 14th in the 2016 Olympics and was an alternate for the 2012 team. The former thrower for Southern Illinois-Carbondale has the fifth-longest mark ever posted in the hammer throw.
It was after she won the gold medal at the Pan Am Games in Lima, Peru, that she made her public protest.
"It definitely for me was instantaneous," she said. "I didn't plan it. When I got the medal, I accepted it and turned to listen to the anthem. I think it came about as I was listening to the words and everything I'd been through as a Black American and what I had seen. It was a perfect opportunity to bring attention to the situation."
The announcement of the probation came quickly for Berry and American fencer Race Imboden, who took a knee on the podium after receiving a medal.
The message sent by Hirshland to the athletes indicated that, in the future, protests by any athletes would be met with harsher penalties. Berry, however, feels the punishment was undue.
"It definitely impacted me financially and put a negative taint on my character," she said. "That's a major impact."
The recent string of events started with Hirshland writing on Twitter: "The USOPC stands with those who demand equality and equal treatment." She posted a link to her letter, which said nothing about supporting protests.
Berry responded with a demand for an apology in writing. Then she requested the apology be made publicly. After they spoke on the phone, Hirshland returned to Twitter.
"I am grateful to Gwen for her time and her honesty last night," she wrote. "I heard her. I apologized for how my decisions made her feel and also did my best to explain why I made them. Gwen has a powerful voice in this national conversation. ..."
Berry has been involved in peaceful protests since the events in Ferguson in 2014. She flew home from a meet overseas and joined family members on the street for two days.
Soon after, she heard John Carlos and Tommie Smith, who famously protested at the 1968 Olympics, speak. At one time suspended from the U.S. team, the pair were inducted into the USOP hall of fame last year.
"For me to see children come out and see these two legends and ask questions, I felt it opened my eyes about how athletes can bring awareness," she said.
Carlos returned to the conversation Saturday when he joined with the USOPC athlete advisory council in sending an open letter to the International Olympic and Paralympic committee, asking to allow protests at the Olympics.
"Athletes will no longer be silenced," the letter said, according to The Associated Press. "We are now at a crossroads. The IOC and IPC cannot continue on the path of punishing or removing athletes who speak up for what they believe in, especially when those beliefs exemplify the goals of Olympism."
Berry plans to be involved as much as possible. She participated in a panel on racial justice in Pennsylvania a few years ago. She has attended a few protests this month in Houston, where she is living and training. And she took part in a town hall held by the USOPC recently via video conference.
She said she has no regrets about the stance she took at the Pan Am Games other than the failure to express her concerns more adamantly in interviews.
"I didn't speak out right away because I was overwhelmed," she said. "I didn't know it would blow up as big as it did."
The next thing she would like to see is changes made to Rule 50 in the Olympic charter. It allows for opinions to be expressed in interviews or on social media but not "on the field of play."
Berry anticipates there will be more opinions expressed by athletes when competition returns. And she didn't rule out that she could be one of them.
"I leave that question for people to linger on," she said. "I don't know what's in the cards for me, but I do know that I am really strong. I have a strong mindset and if it needs to be done, it will be done."
