Having a Will is crucial in life. The legal document determines how your assets and belongings are split once you die, and who will look after your minor children – if you have any. It’s meant to ease the burden on your family. And help avoid family feuds. But sometimes, it does the opposite.
A dad reached out to an online community recently, wondering if he’d done the right thing. He said he runs a very successful business and owns a couple of expensive houses. He has two children from his first marriage. And a stepson from his second. The man said he’d always intended to leave most of his assets to his biological kids.
But when he found out they had been keeping a huge secret from him, he decided to cut both out of his will. And told them he’ll be leaving their inheritance to his stepson instead. The kids were not impressed. Scroll down to read the full story.
Removing your biological children from your will in favor of your stepson is bound to cause conflict
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)
But this dad took the risk and cut them out immediately when he heard they’d hidden their mom’s affair
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual image)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)
Image credits: donut3771 (not the actual image)
Image credits: SuchEnd8176
The OP said he felt betrayed, empty and cold inside
He had worked through his anger towards his wife after her affair. He’d moved on and was remarried. But the rage was triggered again when he found out his children had been lying to him all along. Psychologists say anger is a natural part of the process. “In response to betrayal, your anger motivates you to stand up for yourself when you are being manipulated, exploited, used, or taken advantage of,” wrote infidelity expert and psychotherapist Moshe Ratson. “It makes you want to hold others accountable for violating deeply held values.” Ratson cautioned that anger itself is not the problem. “How the anger is processed and expressed is what can cause problems,” he said.
For this dad, his way of standing up for himself, and expressing his anger, was to take away his children’s inheritance. But the man said he faced massive backlash from his kids after telling them about his decision. They accused him of being heartless and cruel. And that made him even more angry. He told his kids that his stepson was more of a child to him than they were. In retrospect, he wondered if he’d gone too far. So he asked “AITAH for cutting my biological children out of my will and instead giving it to my stepson?” Majority of Redditors believe he was.
Patrick Hicks is Head of Legal at Trust And Will and is a seasoned estate planning attorney. Hicks says sometimes it makes sense to cut your children out of your will. For example, if you’re estranged. But he warns it sends a very strong and clear message. “By specifically disinheriting a child in your Will, you’re essentially legally saying you no longer view them as your heir and you don’t want your assets going to them upon your passing,” wrote Hicks. It’s not a decision you should ever take lightly. And probably something you might want to give a lot of thought to.
In the case of the original poster, he was still in contact with his biological children. “I’m not going to fully go no contact with my own kids, I can’t bring myself to do that,” he wrote. “But I don’t want much of a relationship with them either.”
“You are using your assets to further punish your ex-wife and kids”: People called the dad out for his actions
It turns out the OP’s situation is not unique, and many people decide to disinherit family members
Law firm Feldman Kramer Monaco says they often receive enquiries about how to disinherit a family member. “This is not as unusual a request as you may think; statistics show that nearly 30% of decedents remove a family member from their estate plan entirely or leave an unequal distribution to family members,” reads their website.
Hicks says if you choose to go ahead with disinheriting an adult child, you need to be specific in your Will. Simply omitting their name is not enough. “Often, a court will assume a lack of name in estate documents as unintentional and award an equal share to the adult child not named,” he said. “If you truly want to disinherit an adult child, you must include this direct information in your Will, making it clearly understood that the omission is intentional and not an oversight.”
But Canada’s Onyx Law Group warned that “spite” is not a valid reason for disinheriting a child. In one case, a British Columbia woman only received 1% of her mother’s more than $1 million dollar estate. The rest was given to charities. The woman marched straight to court. The court found her mother had no connection with the charities. But did find evidence that she’d acted spitefully towards her daughter. The daughter ended up receiving 40% of the residue of her mother’s estate.
Redditors came forward to share their own similar stories
In an updated post, the man admitted he was wrong and apologized to his kids
The dad said Redditors had made it very clear that he was in fact the AH. “Reading the comments made me realize that I had misplaced anger,” he wrote. “I was full of so much anger that it was really just to hide the pain I was feeling.” While money and property will now be split evenly, the drama is far from over.
The man has still decided to leave his successful business to his stepson instead of his biological one. Even if the dust settles soon, the storm could come again after the father’s death. An adult child can contest a Will if they are left out. “A Will that excludes a child is more susceptible to being challenged after the will maker’s death,” warns Onyx. “Time-consuming estate litigation and costly legal fees can take a deep emotional toll, destroy relationships, and cause lasting bitterness among surviving family members.”
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual image)
Image credits: Curtis Adams (not the actual image)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actaul image)
Image credits: SuchEnd8176
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