For many, family comes first. After all, these people are usually the ones who provide us with unwavering support, so it’s only fair that we stand by their side as well.
However, when you throw romantic relationships into the mix, things might get complicated, to say the least.
In this particular case, a young man ended up having to choose between his girlfriend, who suffers from severe PTSD, and his relatives, who don’t really understand her needs.
The woman requires specific conditions to sleep, but during the couple’s visit, they failed to adapt.
Now, the tables have turned and it’s the family who’s asking to stay at their apartment, but he fears this would, yet again, disrupt his girlfriend’s fragile sense of security.
To gain some perspective on the situation, he asked the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ for advice.
This guy’s family can’t seem to empathize with his PTSD-battling girlfriend
Image credits: s_kawee/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
So he refused to let them stay over
His relatives didn’t like hearing that, but the guy remained firm
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: aitagirlfriendptsd
Parents need to understand that they cannot control who their adult children date
Dr. Gail Saltz, who is a psychiatrist at New York Presbyterian Hospital, says that it’s perfectly understandable for parents to expect their children to be like them. “You hope they choose the things you choose and embrace the values you embrace,” she writes. “This validates you as a parent and a human being.”
But that’s not how it always goes. And when someone’s child moves in another direction, they might interpret it as rejection and disapproval.
However, if your son gets involved with a person you aren’t very fond of, you still need to put in the effort and at least try to get along. Pressuring him to pick sides will just create more friction. Saltz adds that parents gain nothing by being antagonistic toward their child and their significant other. Instead, they run the risk of alienating the kid, which is already happening in our Redditor’s case. His parents’ continuing negativity might ultimately force him to decide between them and her, and there’s a good chance his old folks won’t like his decision.
Image credits: Emma Bauso/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Judging from his confession, it sounds like the parents have raised an independent, open-minded, and caring adult, and they should be proud of that.
The authors of F*ck Love: One Shrink’s Sensible Advice for Finding a Lasting Relationship, psychologist Dr. Michael Bennett and his daughter, comedy writer Sarah Bennett, say they’ve run into a lot of readers while promoting the book who have told them similar stories of having a parent that’s hard to take — maybe they hate everyone they date, or maybe it’s that they have a loud family that scare people off.
So they think it’s important to know “how to create boundaries between the family you create with your [SO] and the family that you have without hurting anybody’s feelings, without making it personal.”
But to do that, your relatives also have to show an interest in maintaining a healthy relationship. Hopefully, the guy behind the post, his girlfriend, and everyone around them will find a way to achieve it.
As the story went viral, its author joined the discussion in the comment section
