Whilst drinking my morning coffee and playing FIFA Career Mode, in which I have taken Forest Green Rovers from the depths of League Two to Champions League glory, it got me thinking about the start of the Todd Boehly regime and how I would run it should, in some very strange set of circumstances, Todd rang me up.
Even though I am not a billionaire or know anything about NFTs, I do have a deep love for Chelsea, and I'm concerned about what happens to it next. So with that in mind, I have set a list of uber-serious proposals for Boehly to read, open to becoming part of his consortium.
My manifesto varies from the improvement of Stamford Bridge, sponsorship, the kits, and beloved music played on matchday.
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Firstly, renaming the West Stand after Stamford Bridge's rebuild 'The Diego Costa stand'. The cult forward was beloved inside the Bridge during his chaotic three-year career with the club. Every Chelsea team needs a bit of the Diego spirit.
In regards to catering, Singha beer would be replaced with German pilsner Bitburger in honour of Thomas Tuchel, and the classic Rollover hotdogs would return. The lack of quality beer options has been frustrating for some time, and Rollover hotdogs were always a nutritious matchday meal.
Any prospective kit manufacturers would have to agree to fan oversight on yearly designs. Some of Nike's recent offerings have been highly disappointing (and even the word disappointing is kind). No longer would we see the mess of last season's home kit, which depicts a fight between a chessboard and a racing flag. Designs would come to reflect the culture and history of Chelsea.
The introduction of spring and autumn town hall meetings at Stamford Bridge between owners and supporters. Leading from the Chelsea Supporters Trust proposal of a golden share would further increase the communication between fans and the owner, putting them in the hot seat.
Playing matches in November, December and January will be banned to avoid Chelsea's annual winter slump. There is an insistence that every Chelsea player must touch the "This is Anfield" sign when taking on Liverpool to rile home supporters.
An insistence that any Chelsea player who scores at Anfield, The Emirates, Old Trafford or Spurs' as yet untitled stadium must do the shushing celebration if they score at the home end.
Blur's legendary anthem 'Parklife' will remain the last song played before the team's walkout at Stamford Bridge, 'The Liquidator' is also a treasured part of Chelsea's pre-match ritual. All new players will be required to learn the lyrics off by heart of Parklife.
And finally, to keep Chelsea FC in west London forever.
Yours sincerely, Daniel.
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