Christmas will be very different this year for Paul Shepherd – a man who firmly believes that everything that’s intrinsically good about him is because of the influence of the woman he loved. This year, Paul will be gathered up by members of his loving family, and they’ll make new Christmas memories together.
But, for the first time in three decades, he’ll be doing so without his wife and soulmate Brenda, who lost her battle with cancer just five months ago. It will be the fond memories of fun Christmases gone by, in which he and Brenda would pull on their festive jumpers to celebrate the anniversary of the day they met, that will help a heartbroken Paul to keep smiling.
Paul and Brenda’s love story began on December 20, 1991, when they got chatting at an office Christmas party – which is why the festive period was always so close to the hearts of the inseparable couple.
The bottom fell out of their world when, in 2000, Brenda was diagnosed with breast cancer. Following a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, it came as a huge relief to the couple when she did not need any further treatment. Then, in April this year, a routine blood test revealed that she had an alarmingly low white count, which was to lead to a shock leukaemia diagnosis.
The following month, doctors broke the news that she had acute myeloid leukaemia. She had no symptoms, she was feeling fine,” explained Paul, 57, who moved with Brenda from Johnstone, Renfrewshire, six years ago to set up home on the Isle of Bute.
“In fact, we were actually on holiday when some of it started, and she wasn’t up nor down. She walked round my local golf course with me the week she was admitted to The Beatson West of Scotland Cancer Centre. After discussions, we agreed that she would go for multiple courses of chemotherapy. I think we knew the risks, but I don’t think we ever expected it to turn out the way it did.”
Although Brenda successfully completed her first round of chemotherapy in mid-June, infections began to set in. She had the honour of officially reopening the Beatson Cancer Charity’s Wellbeing Centre – a unique space designed to be a haven for patients away from the wards and clinics where they can chill in one of its tranquil lounges or enjoy complimentary pampering therapies.
When interviewed at the centre’s opening ceremony by a TV news crew, Brenda enthused on camera about the prospect of having her finger and toe nails painted. In a bid to boost her aunt’s spirits, Brenda’s niece Joanne Hampton made her a jar of positive thoughts so that she could pick one out each day.
Paul would travel from the Isle of Bute every Friday, arriving at the hospital at lunchtime – a routine he repeated on a Saturday and Sunday. When it came time for patients’ meals to be distributed, Paul would start to make his way to the canteen – but staff wouldn’t hear of it.
“The nurse said: ‘Hang on, as long as you’re not fussy and as long as there’s some left over food, and there’s bound to be something, I’ll bring it to you,’” he remembers. “That sort of connection, to help out visitors as well, is amazing. The staff were great. I couldn’t praise them enough.”
Like so many other relatives, Paul – whose wife was a civil servant of 42 years’ standing – was banned from visiting Brenda for an agonising two weeks at the height of Covid. Then, on July 4, he received the call he’d been dreading: Brenda’s condition had deteriorated.
“That’s when I went over,” said Paul. “On the 5th, we were told that she had such severe infections that there was nothing else they could do, and she passed away in the early hours of the morning on the 6th. It was very quick from the diagnosis. The main thing was for us, and for Brenda, was that her passing was peaceful.”
Due to restrictions imposed by Covid, Brenda didn’t ever get to have her toenails painted at the Wellbeing Centre. So, when she was taken into the care of the funeral parlour where Joanne works, the first thing Brenda’s niece did was to paint her aunt’s toenails.
“I have been to the Beatson Cancer Charity Wellbeing Centre twice since Brenda passed, and I myself can get the sense of comfort from being there,” continued Paul. “I know that when Brenda saw it, she was really keen for us to both access it, had it been open, because the view across the city is fantastic.
"I think it’s an incredible place, and I can see the escape people can get from the ward. Even on the wards, they do amazingly. Cancer and chemo is such a difficult thing, so being able to build up that rapport with patients while remaining professional is absolutely incredible.”
Since the passing of 67-year-old Brenda, Paul has remained in contact with staff at the Beatson and visits to hand in jars of positive thoughts for patients and sea glass for the arts and crafts project in ward B7.
“That’s the thing about the charity, that they’re there and able to support people,” he said. “I still have the goodie bag that Brenda got when the wellbeing centre opened, and I’m making my way through it. There are so many practical things in it.
"We’ve known about Beatson Cancer Charity for years. When Brenda’s brother passed away, she set up a direct debit for the charity – and that was back in 2012. That direct debit continues today under her name, even although she’s passed away.”
To other relatives, Paul has one message of advice: “Reach out and talk to the Beatson and get support. Don’t do it alone. I still couldn’t do it without the support I’m receiving. I’ve said I want to explore the bereavement support service when it comes. I’ve had counselling and it’s been a fantastic help. It’s also important to hear about success stories and those who are in remission.”
This Christmas – his first without his wife of 30 years – Paul is appealing for support for the Beatson Bauble Appeal, whose donors will help continue the provision of care, love and hope to families this festive season and beyond. Everyone who donates will receive two baubles in the post – one to hang on their own tree at home, and one to send back to be hung on the Beatson tree.
Paul said: “This year, Christmas will be very different without Brenda. But I know I’ve got the support of family, friends and the Beatson and we’ll continue to make memories, as we always did at Christmas. Christmas was always an important time for Brenda and me. We met at a Christmas party, so Christmas was always about traditions. On the 20th, we would usually go out or have a special meal indoors, and we would put Christmas jumpers on when we did it for a bit of fun.”
He added: “What you see now, in me, is Brenda. Brenda took me and moulded me. Any flaws that are still there, they’re me, and any good things, they’re Brenda. I’m surviving. That’s the phase I’m at just now, because she would want me to – and she would tell me to. I’m daen as I’m telt.”
To get involved, visit www.beatsoncancercharity.org/bauble. You can also donate £10 by texting BEATSON to 70460, or call 0141 212 0505
Don't miss the latest news from around Scotland and beyond - Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
