Sujata was in a daze after her husband’s untimely demise. Shock, trauma, disbelief, anger, sorrow, fear – so many emotions overwhelmed her. Completely at loss to make sense of what had happened, and all else that was happening in the social mourning space around her and her two little kids, Sujata fell into a stony silence. Yes. Silence. No hysterical cry of loss. No wail of lament. No flood of tears. To many in her social mourning space, there was little so-to-say normalcy in Sujata’s conduct about how a bereaved woman is supposed to be like, especially when she happens to be just widowed. The family elders in particular found her conduct rather odd. They wanted her to shed few tears at-least for social mourning’s sake. Some others discussed the what and how of “making her cry”, lest her grief gets bottled up. But their concern too was guided more by what they thought of the typical grief reactions of women.
A woman after all is supposed to be emotional, and therefore expected to make at-least a customary cry of lament on an occasion like this. Really! Well, like in many other contexts, here too the gender stereotypes were at play. In the stark immediacy of her bereavement and grief, the burden of social expectation to “grieve (gender) appropriately” further pierced Sujata’s already shattered heart with such added sorrow, anguish, and worst of all guilt and social shame. Seriously, can there be a single appropriate way to grieve that would suit all grievers?
