The UK Government last night banned all new parents from giving their children names containing M, E or Z.
“It’s all Moto Morini’s fault,” said a spokesman. “With the new 6½ Seiemmezzo, it’s used up the entire world stocks of those letters.
“We’re trying to buy some from Poland, which has said it might be able to spare some Ms and Es, but needs all the Zs it can get for its own names.”
Parents through the land were distraught at the news.
“We were so looking forward to christening our little bundle of joy Zacariah Ernesto after his grandfather on his grandmother’s side twice removed,” said Cynthia Hargreaves, 34, from Essex, “but I suppose we’ll just have to call him Bob now.”
Which brings me, naturally, to the courtyard of the Haycock Manor Hotel, a lovely 16 th Century coaching inn in Wansford, admiring the equally lovely but significantly newer Moto Morini 6½ Seiemmezzo.
Mind you, since Seiemmezzo is Italian for 6½, I’m not quite sure why they needed to tell us twice. The 6½, by the way, is a nod to the 350cc Moto Morini 3½ of the 1970s.
Browse more than 19,000 new and used bikes for sale at Autotrader.co.uk/bikes
Moto Morini, as you may know, is an Italian company founded in 1937 and now owned by the Chinese, which seems to be almost compulsory for venerable but small-scale Italian brands.
Still, it may have Chinese owners, but it’s got Italian style, whether in the STR or Street version, with cast wheels, or the SCR or Scrambler version, with wire wheels and slightly higher bars.
I grabbed the Scrambler first, and even though it’s quite a dinky little machine, it’s entirely comfortable for even taller bikers, although my suspicions that my buns would be politely requesting a break after about an hour on the stylish but narrow and firm seat would be later confirmed. You should always listen to your buns. And ignore your liver.
Still, until then, the riding position is nicely neutral, with decent mirrors and a 5in TFT screen which gives you all the basic information you need – and with no riding modes, all you need to do is press the go button, at which point the cool autumn air filled with a happy burble like someone speaking Italian to their Chinese girlfriend.
Rather weirdly, the gear indicator is right in the middle of the screen, with the speed lurking off to the right.
Ride off, snick through the firm but reasonably slick six-speed gearbox, and heavens, what a gutsy little engine.
Being Italian, it gets bored below 2,000rpm, but after that pulls cleanly all the way to the redline at 9,000rpm, although there’s not much point thrashing it that far, since peak torque is at 7,000 and max power at 8,250.
Keep it singing at anywhere between 4,000 and 7,000, though, and progress is delightfully enthusiastic, accompanied by a very satisfying snarl from the nether regions. The bike’s, that is, not mine.
The clutch is beautifully light, and the only complaint was that the gearbox was reluctant to change down a few times, and once or twice decided to it was adamant to stay in sixth.
Mind you, that was probably because the bike had just arrived in the UK and was jetlagged, not to mention not even run in yet.
Handling, with a wet weight of about 212kg and a short wheelbase, is agile and precise, although the combination of that short wheelbase and fairly firm suspension and seat meant a bit of jiggery and pokery at speed on some stretches of rough road. Nothing fatal, mind you.
Braking, with Brembo callipers and big front discs, was smooth and strong, with nice bite and feel from the back when required.
Right, time for a whizz on the STR or Street version, with cast wheels and slightly lower bars which meant more of your weight on them, and slightly less agile handling.
I preferred the Scrambler, which looks better with wire wheels as well, although to be honest there wasn’t much difference in the very satisfying riding experience.
All in all, either version is a great little bike at a very reasonable price of not much more than seiemmezzo grand of your English pounds.
Whoops, I’ve used up all my Ms, Es and Zs again. Sorry about that, Cynthia.
