Strong relationships are built on trust and honesty. If one partner seems to have done everything right and has given the other person no reason to doubt, then there should be no problems at all. That would be ideal, but sometimes insecurities creep in and ruin even the best relationships.
This is what happened to a guy whose toxic girlfriend needed to know exactly where he was at every moment. The one time he forgot to text her, she blew up at him and immediately thought he was having an affair.
More info: Reddit
Some people let their past trauma control their feelings to such an extent that it ruins their ability to trust others completely
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guy had gone to work and dressed up in a simple costume for a Halloween competition that was being held there
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: Daniel Korpai / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Around 40 minutes after reaching work, his girlfriend demanded to know why he hadn’t told her he had reached, and somehow, she took that as evidence of his cheating
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man was shocked by his girlfriend’s assumptions and said that he had never cheated on her and that she might be acting that way due to her borderline personality disorder
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
The poster said that it’s hard to break up with her because they live together, and she kept threatening to take her own life when he tried ending their relationship before
The OP and his partner have only been in a relationship for 8 months. Within such a short span, the woman has kept tabs on him and lashed out for the pettiest of reasons. As the guy explained, her past trauma could be one of the reasons why she feels so insecure and keeps demanding to know where exactly he is at all times.
It’s difficult to know exactly why insecurity flares up like this and how to deal with it in an appropriate way. That’s why Bored Panda contacted Dr. Jodi Aman, a psychotherapist who shares trauma-informed mental health advice to educators, counselors, parents, and teens.
Dr. Jodi explained that “many contexts can encourage insecurity in a relationship. For example, it could be betrayal or rejection from a past relationship that carries over, or it could be from how the person is being treated in this relationship that makes them question their worth and value as a person and as a partner.”
“Perhaps the person cheated in the past or broke up with them and came back. Both scenarios are hard to overcome, even if the person wants the relationship to work out. Intrusive thoughts about the other person cheating can feel like premonitions when they come, out of fear of it happening again.”
When netizens asked the OP if he had done anything to break his girlfriend’s trust, he clarified that he had never had an affair. In fact, he had deleted all women from his contacts just to prove to his partner that he wasn’t cheating.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even though the man know how toxic his relationship had become, he feels like it wouldn’t be easy to end things with his girlfriend. She is already dealing with a severe mental health condition called borderline personality disorder (BPD) and has also threatened to harm herself if he broke up with her. If all this weren’t the case, maybe he would have already found other ways to work things out.
Dr. Jodi Aman explained that “if the insecurity comes from the past, the partner can be patient and understanding, demonstrating their difference from the last person who hurt them. That would go far to healing the situation. Often, with a better relationship, the insecurity goes away.”
“However, getting support when insecure accusations become repetitive can be essential to making a relationship last.” She also explained that if the other partner is the cause of the insecurity, then “they would have to choose to work on their own issues. Many people don’t make this choice, [and they get] defensive, gaslight, and withdraw, thereby perpetuating the situation.”
It seems like no matter what the OP does, his girlfriend keeps finding fault with him. For their relationship to have any chance of surviving, she would first have to work on her trust issues and attachment style before anything else.
What would you advise the guy to do in a situation like this?
Folks were worried about the poster and told him to end things with his girlfriend immediately
