When it comes to relationships, if only one of you is a golf nut, it can make things a bit tricky. Quality time together can be limited and conversation one-sided. So often the non-golfer feels obliged to, or even relishes, taking the plunge. The gift golf gives a golfing couple is golden, even if it does come with some challenges.
When I met my husband in a pub back in 2001, he remembered two things about me. I was born in Australia and I was a professional golfer. He’d just returned from a gap year in Australia and returned to a chef job he was hating, so he was ready to book a ticket back to Sydney, until he met me.
He didn’t go back to Oz, but he did fully embrace golf. Having played since he was a teenager, but never more than dabbled, he took lessons, joined a club, and completely got the bug. I felt guilty that the first game he had with me was at Hamptworth Golf Club Club with my brother playing off +2 and my mum playing off 9!
The fact that the round didn’t scare him off was a pretty good indicator he was a keeper. We have since then been on many amazing golf trips around the globe, he caddied for my brother at Asian tour school, and his scores even peaked at shooting level par. He worked hard at his game and became more of a golf nut than I am! Arthritis in his knees has since seen him have to give it up and he misses it dreadfully, but what incredible magic the game of golf dusted over our relationship.
I asked a group of golfing women whether any of them started or embraced the game to make sure they actually saw their partners. The stories that came back to me as a result of posing this question on the Ladies Golf Lounge Facebook group are heartwarming and often heartbreaking.
If you are the person that has always played golf and cannot be without the game, is it an incredible thing when your partner says they want to play? The reaction to this question when asking the pupils I coach is mixed. Some feel that their ‘special time or activity’ is being invaded, while others relish the idea of spending more time together.
When They Join You
Often an ultimatum is given if you are the golf addict, or a partner works out that they will never see you if they don’t pick up a club. Play this game or it won’t work - often unspoken words, but the non-golfer will get the gist.
Caroline Deans in Ontario, Canada says, “When my hubs and I got together, he played maybe a couple of times a year, with the focus being having enough beers in the cart, rather than enough balls. He realised that he would never see me in the summer if he didn't play, so took it up in earnest.He's now an awesome golfer, hits a long ball, and is an 8ish index to my 6ish index. All in just over 10 years.”
Jude Mackenzie, a member at Sundridge Park in London, has played golf since she was a teenager. When she met her husband Alistair he was forewarned about golf going into their marriage. But forewarned doesn’t mean he was fully appreciative of the amount of golf searing through Jude’s veins.
Jude wanted him to play but knew that it had to be his idea so relinquished nagging. Alistair finally asked for golf lessons one Christmas. “I tried to avoid gushing, ‘Are you loving it yet?’ after each session,” says Jude because so much was her desire for him to get the bug.
Soon enough, having joined an Aspirants scheme at Sundridge Park, he was well away and they now enjoy a lot of mixed golf including holidays and opens. Jude adds, “I am so grateful to him for taking up the sport I love, and to my club, Sundridge Park, for introducing a scheme that meant I didn't have to leave the club if I wanted to play golf with my husband. He took up golf to please me.
I tried skiing to please him, but was asked to leave the beginners group because I was holding the others up. Fortunately for me, Ali has been hit more by the golf bug so is quite happy to use our annual leave for golf holidays.“
My handicap is now 9.6 and Alistair’s is 19. One of the great things about him taking up the game after me is that he doesn't tell me what to do! In fact, it's the other way around, he looks at me pleadingly when he hits a wild shot and says, 'What did I do differently there?' I have no talent as a coach and can only mutter, 'Don't know, hun, sorry.'”
Be Careful What You Wish For
Every now and then I coach a female golfer whose partner took up the sport and now she’s desperate to find other people for him to play with.The feeling is that he’s encroached on her turf or happy time, his temper isn’t as calm as hers on the course, and his language is fruity and winds her up. Yet, he doesn’t want to play with anyone else. Awkward!
In It Together
When couples decide to learn the sport together it can be a wonderful experience especially when both have more time - for example in retirement, or as part of their journey as a partnership early on in the relationship. Carol Alford lives and breathes golf since taking it up alongside her husband.
“We both started together after my husband said he fancied learning to play. I had half a set of clubs to start and we went on holiday to Scotland. Played golf every day, so when we returned home I bought the remaining clubs.
“Twenty years later I changed my career to become a mental toughness coach specialising in golf. We both play competitively and encouraged our daughter and son to also play which has resulted in fabulous golfing holidays abroad. Our daughter is now engaged to a PGA pro golfer, so golf continues to weave it’s magic in our family”
If You Never See Them, Join Them
One of the wishes of so many of the men I coach is that their other halves would take up golf. At this point I pose the question, “What if they become better than you?” to which many realise they’d not thought about it and some have a re-think! They usually list all the reasons why she won’t play. Time, lack of sporting background, expense, to name but a few. Yet the most consistent comment I hear from those women who did join their partner is that they wish they’d done it sooner. Golf doesn’t have to be 18 holes every time, there are so many different formats to enjoy.
As we know, golf is a gift and we reap so many benefits from it. Claire plays golf with her other half Taylor. The nature of their work often means they have chunks of time where they can enjoy golf and travel to play different courses around the world. She also believes that to encourage women into the sport at a younger age, more needs to be done to showcase those bite size versions of the game, but also the benefits as a single woman who play the game.
Trish O’Neil’s husband got her into golf eventually, but she had to do it slowly due to a run of health issues. Once she was back on her feet, she became Lady Captain last year. Trish says, “I’m now hoping for a quiet, enjoyable full year of golf and to reduce my handicap at last. My only regret is that I didn’t find golf earlier. What a journey!”
Similarly, Dyfri Davies from Maesteg Golf Club in South Wales says, “My husband tried to get me into golf for about 25 years but I only succumbed when I retired a few years ago and now realise that I should have listened to him sooner. I love the game and last year we won the mixed foursomes medal, which was a proud moment for us both.”
There’s no doubt about it. If you want to get to know somebody properly, golf is the way to do it. It’s very revealing of character and any traits that may otherwise be hidden away from the course become apparent following a missed 2ft putt. Often people who find love on the golf course stay together forever.
Let’s face it, playing golf to please the love of your life is a noble move and one that few people really appreciate will be life changing - in more ways than one! That is the message… don’t wait. Get golfing, not for anyone else but for yourself. It’s the gift that gives us so much, to be able to share it with your partner is just an added bonus.
