A SEAGULL on a chip.
That was the pithy observation from an online contributor to the comments section in last Wednesday's Newcastle Herald.
The view was in response to a story about the city's lord mayor sensing an opportunity to be part of a regional cohort hosting a future Commonwealth Games ("Lord Mayor Nuatali Nelmes says Newcastle could co-host a future Commonwealth Games", 17/6). Will there even be a future Commonwealth Games that Newcastle can co-host with a regional cohort?
Sure. But only with the inclusion of unique events that stamp "Hunter" on the whole caper. The Stroud Brick-Throwing event, the Singleton Wife-Carrying championship, the Kurri Kurri Mulletfest exhibition and the Cessnock Postie Bike Grand Prix must be included to garner local interest.
Wild imagination will reinvigorate interest in the Games, in a similar way that Australia beating Barbados by nine wickets at Birmingham in 2022 rekindled a morbid fascination in the entire affair. Richer countries consisting of a large white population giving a damn good belting to poorer countries consisting of a large brown population keeps the Empire humming along the way it always has.
A seagull on a chip. A mere syllable longer than purist Japanese haiku structure demands of the first line, although contemporary usage has seen haiku exponents relax their obsession with a precise syllable count. One way of describing a haiku poem is that it consists of three lines with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and five in the third. A haiku poem conveys a moment that leads to a realisation.
Seagull chases chip,
Newy Mayor's dream soars to height,
Commy games in sight.
Sure, that's total amateur hour. There's a ruffian reference to Newcastle as Newy, further stoking tiresome whining from correspondents concerning any abbreviation of Newcastle. Newy clearly gets the goat of correspondents to this hallowed organ. Yet few of the same correspondents sound off when Mayfield is designated in the vernacular as "Mayo" or Lambton is christened "Lamby". But if Lamby does get your goat, call a vet. And order a barbecue.
As for Commy in the haiku, it was abbreviated purely to comply with the now discredited syllable count. Commy games has nothing to do with the ALP cabal holding the CoN numbers nor shenanigans at the Commonwealth Hotel in Cooks Hill. That pub proudly announces itself as "The Commy" on its hoardings. During happy hour, patrons can buy yuan and get yuan free.
Following Comrade Dan's abandonment of the 2026 regional Victorian Commonwealth Games, Newcastle's lord mayor was reported in this paper as saying the city would be a "perfect place" to stage the games in the future, albeit with provisos.
Significant state and federal funding would be required. And what didn't need saying by the lord mayor but is widely understood by even the most disinterested of observers is that a timeline, plan and investment strategy resulting from the current state government review of the Hunter Park Precinct in Broadmeadow is an absolute necessity.
The next stage of Newcastle's transition from post-industrial hot mess to forever future jewel in the Asia Pacific and potential host of a Games that no-one else wants is dependent on the Hunter Park Precinct being realised.
It needs a shipload of investment - like the $13 billion backing Australia's largest urban renewal project Green Square. Population density. Amenity. Green spaces. A light rail extension. An entertainment centre. Schools. Medical centres. Up rather than out. Room to attempt a line dancing world record.
In the meantime, Hunter Park Precinct would benefit from a far more inspirational moniker. Maybe Muloobinba Gardens? Nah. The heathens would probably shorten Muloobinba to Muloo and that would anger the pens of the next generation of pearl clutchers.
The lord mayor has shown interest since at least 2012 for a quadrennial international multi-sport event that few (other than athletes, coaches and media) give a toss about. She advocated in December of that year for council's then general manager to contact the relevant state and federal agencies to support Newcastle in preparing a bid that would fit with council's Newcastle 2030 vision.
One of the early issues identified as a handbrake on that vision was the lack of a modern aquatic centre. Need a bloody big pool mate to scoop the medal count. Perhaps an aquatic centre at Muloo Gardies - managed privately of course?
I guess we will know for sure Newcastle is bidding for the Commy Games when there's a council tender in the Sydney classifieds.
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