Gemma Collins says she kept her self-harming secret for 20 years because she was ‘ashamed’.
The former The Only Way is Essex star, 41, bravely shared her struggles in a new Channel 4 documentary, Gemma Collins : Self Harm and Me, as she discussed the painful secret she’s kept for more than two decades.
The trailer for the emotional programme, set to air on Wednesday 16 February, begins with Gemma sitting in a therapy group as she discusses her past.
“I was getting overwhelming emotion and I couldn't cope with it,” she told them.
“It’s something I buried for 20 years,” she added, as the voiceover revealed it was the “first time” she’s spoken about her “personal struggle” with self-harm.
Fiance Rami Hawash is also shown in the trailer, as he scolds Gemma in an emotional scene.
Sitting in the kitchen of her Essex mansion, her lip trembles as her partner shares how her pain has also affected him.
“I was shocked, you know, when you’ve done something to yourself. Why did you do it?” he asks, as the star, who looks close to tears, sits opposite him.
Gemma said one of the reasons she kept it secret was because she felt like she couldn't open up to anyone about it, because it was so taboo.
“It’s not like a normal conversation you can have with someone,” she says, as it’s revealed she will be working with those closest to her, as well as professionals, to understand her self-harm past.
“I never told anyone, because it was shameful. I was scared,” she confessed to a psychologist.
Gemma can be seen looking through old photographs of her from her days of dancing, showing the camera snapshots of her wearing skimpy outfits and looking slim.
The star then says she wishes she was “brave enough to ask for the help”.
“Could’ve saved myself a lot of pain,” she adds.
She shared the trailer for the documentary on Instagram, and said she was “so proud” of being able to finally discuss her painful past.
“I’m so proud of my new documentary Gemma Collins: Self Harm and Me coming to @channel4 next Wednesday 16th February at 9pm,” Gemma wrote.
“I’m revealing a side of me I’ve previously kept very pr
ivate. It has been hard and emotional to talk about, but it’s so important we open up about these things more and encourage others to get help if they need it.”
Gemma Collins: Self Harm and Me airs on Channel 4 on Wednesday 16 February, 9pm
*If you are struggling with mental health, you can speak to a trained advisor from Mind mental health charity on 0300 123 3393 or email info@mind.org.uk
