Mere days after the surplus to requirements Holby City took its final bow, BBC One last night unveiled its bold and exciting prime-time revolution...
Yep. Another cooking show.
But, wait, this was a cooking show with a difference. Apparently.
Future Food Stars (for brevity’s – and honesty’s – sake, let’s call it FFS) began with Gordon Ramsay hanging from a helicopter off the Cornish coast, preparing to freefall faster than the viewing figures for Bank Balance.
Moments later, he emerged from the sea, a robust wetsuit sparing him unkind comparisons to Daniel Craig.
“You’re probably wondering why I just jumped out of a helicopter,” he said to his welcoming party.
Was it because you’re a big macho show-off who thinks we’re easily impressed, Gord?
Because you secretly wish you were on SAS: Who Dares Wins instead of FFS: Who Makes The Best Toastie Wins?
Or because someone at the BBC rightly pointed out this was just another cooking show and suggested you do something spectacular to distract the audience?
The puffed-up nonsense wasn’t the only twist.
Clever Gordon had also infused FFS with some ingredients from The Apprentice and Dragons’ Den. Presumably, copyright and – you would hope – a sense of shame prevented him from using too many of their other ingredients.
So we had a watery Apprentice/Dragons’ Den soup, in which some foodie business owners competed in mundane cook-offs to win a £150,000 investment from Lord Sugar Tits. Just like The Apprentice, one contestant is let go at the end of an episode.
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Sadly, instead of the boardroom drama of “You’re fired!” and a pointy finger, all we get is Gordon in a restaurant telling the loser, “I’m sorry. We’re done”, then skulking out like someone who’s just had a tiff with their spouse.
Why the format is so wafer thin and uninspiring is anyone’s guess.
However, one thing Gordon said did get me thinking: “An idea is only as good as the person who has it.”
And then I saw the end credits. Host and Executive Consultant: Gordon Ramsay.
Ah.
I’m sorry, Gordon. We’re done.
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