A debate has broken out online over whether a grandmother has the right to 'control' her daughter's career move in return for providing free childcare.
Family dynamics can be complex, but one mum took to an online forum to ask if she was being unreasonable after her own mother got angry for her after planning to leave her low-paid job.
Posting on Mumsnet, she remained anonymous but explained the situation as she now is struggling to find childcare and she says that her own mother's criticism could lead to her looking after the baby alone.
READ MORE- Mum 'screamed at' by other parent for serving her child 'stomach damaging' lunch
She wrote: "My mum offered to do some free childcare (two days a week, three to four hours) for me as there isn’t any available for one year olds, and nursery costs the same as my salary factoring in commuting cost and time.
Due to that issue of low pay I have decided to change career and have been planning it during my mat leave. I’ve got a great plan which I’m confident with, and I’ve been checking it with friends who agree it’s reasonable and not bonkers.
"My mum is getting angry at me because she wants me to continue with the low paid job, which is also coincidentally her previous job.
"She doesn’t want to do childcare while I launch my new career, even though financially it makes no difference to her, as my partner will support the transition.
"I feel like by wanting to better my career she is taking this as an insult to her former job, the job I’m trying to leave. I might have to just put the TV on more to distract my child while I work this out alone..."
She added: "My mum also gets angry at me for wanting to cycle (“mums don’t cycle”) or wanting a new hairstyle (“it won’t suit your face anymore, you’re too old”) and I don’t know whether she is being unreasonable or am I?"
The comment section was split as many sympathised with the original poster, but on the flip side, others could see the grandmother's point of view.
But one aspect that stood out to Mumsnet users was the controlling behaviour with some calling it a 'red flag'.
One quickly replied: "She sounds like she’s trying to put you down and keep you down. Was she always controlling? If so, I’d honestly find the childcare another way, and take back any control she’s trying to have over you."
A second agreed: "The cycling and haircuts are red herrings in this particular argument.
"Ultimately, you are within your rights to choose to try another career. She is within her rights not to volunteer to give up her time to support something she doesn't agree with. Can you organise childcare elsewhere?"
But one sided with the OP's mum: "She probably wanted to help you out in terms of family finance and to support you in generating an income when it wouldn’t work otherwise if you had to pay childcare. I presume you are retraining for no money so I can understand why your mum doesn’t feel she wants to do it now."
"What is the new career? This "If I change career there will be a few weeks (say, six?) where I’m preparing but after that I expect the income to be much higher" makes it sound like you're looking at self employment?
Given the risks of financial outlay and no return I could understand her not wanting to donate her time to something that could be futile." Another cautioned.
A third also added: "I am not convinced she is controlling. Sounds to me she agrees to look after your child so you could earn and keep your money and now you are deciding you use that time, to do a hobby (that might eventually) make some money. I can see her point."
And one suggested: "Strangely some parents are very threatened by their children 'bettering' themselves and will actively discourage and sabotage their child's dreams.
"Can you tell your mother, as you need her help, that you want to try this new thing out, and if it doesn't work, you will go back to the familiar, safe, badly paid old job?"
Do you think a mother's right to criticise a new career move or does she have your best interest at heart? Let us know in the comments.
