If you’ve ever wished your dishwasher used more water, or found your fridge too cheap to run, help is at hand. US Republicans have their sights set on one of the greatest scourges of our age: woke white goods.
You may or may not remember last year’s “induction hobs are unpatriotic” idiocy. For the mercifully uninitiated, one of 2023’s more niche culture war moments crystallised around an allegation that “the Feds” were going to “take away” gas stoves. This was demonstrably untrue: despite plentiful research demonstrating gas stove emissions are hazardous to human health, there was no proposed ban, just a statement from a consumer safety commissioner that “any option is on the table” with harmful products; the White House almost instantly clarified that it would not support a prohibition. Shame: imagine the bootleg methane speakeasies.
Regardless, there followed an exciting period during which Ron DeSantis – I can’t quite believe I’m typing this – replaced the rattlesnake on the Florida flag with a gas cooker in an X post and assorted food-prep freedom fighters posted pictures of the flickering blue flames of liberty. It was a moment of lighthearted entertainment in unremittingly grim times, so hooray for Appliance War II.
Its target is broader this time: proposals to allow the pinko menace of energy efficiency to proliferate in the land of the free. Energy efficiency – how dare they? Thankfully, the indefatigable wingnut, er, wing of the Republican party is on the case. I bring you, with boggle-eyed incredulity, news of the Hands Off Our Home Appliances bill, plus the Refrigerator Freedom and Liberty in Laundry bills. The aim of these extremely normal proposals is to restrict the Department of Energy’s freedom to set efficiency standards for domestic appliances. Because, presumably, reduced carbon emissions with the bonus of lower energy bills are an affront to American values?
But the names! “Liberty in Laundry” I keep repeating to myself, delightedly. I could get behind liberty from laundry, but for US laundry libertarians it’s a case of: give me a 90C (200F?) wash and the longest, least-efficient spin cycle going, or give me death. Then Refrigerator Freedom! Is it daubed with the stars and stripes, bellowing that they’ll never take its right to be coal-fired? My best guess is that the aides tasked with giving bills names are competing to see how far they can take it before their bosses notice. If they’re still playing, could I offer Make Dishwashers Great Again (the name of a real petition protesting about environmental standards)?
I’m laughing because it makes a change, and banging your head against a wall hurts. Climate scientists are “hopeless and broken”, torn between incredulity and the deepest despair at our continued collective inaction on climate breakdown as temperature records are broken monthly and marine life dies; a fifth of women in the sector are having fewer or no children, fearing for their future. But the real problem is being forced to pay less for energy and reduced exposure to environmental toxins?
I wish I thought British common sense would save us from similar ridiculousness but I’m dubious. The Daily Mail went incandescent at the phasing out of incandescents in 2009, trying to kick off a Great Lightbulb Revolt; we panic-bought high-voltage vacuum cleaners when they were about to be withdrawn and feared “Brussels” would come for our powerful kettles pre-Brexit. Although no labour-saving devices are involved, recent low-traffic network protests – opposing “the oppressive yoke of walkability” as Bloomberg put it – have the same irrationally self-sabotaging feel.
Because the thing about the appliance liberation army is that they’re outraged about something with no downside. That’s quite helpful to realise, because if they can vehemently oppose unalloyed, no-effort good news, there’s no point trying to persuade at least this small swathe of the population that modest sacrifices of convenience are worthwhile in the name of saving the planet: they won’t be taking a bus, or recycling a yoghurt pot, any time soon. Appalling and depressing as that is, it’s also, if you will, quite energy-efficient. And if there’s anything we’ll need for the existential struggles ahead – apart from a robust sense of humour – it’s energy.
• Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
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