Content warning: This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
Frances Bean Cobain is honoring her father, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, 30 years after his untimely death.
In a heartbreaking and moving post on Instagram, the belated rocker's daughter shared a series of photos of her father, including a picture of his hands, her dad as a child, and the last pictures Cobain took with his daughter Frances before he died.
"30 years ago my dad’s life ended. The 2nd & 3rd photo capture the last time we were together while he was still alive," Frances captioned the post. "His mom Wendy would often press my hands to her cheeks & say, with a lulling sadness, 'you have his hands.' She would breathe them in as if it were her only chance to hold him just a little bit closer, frozen in time. I hope she’s holding his hands wherever they are."
The daughter of Cobain and Hole rocker Courtney love went on to write that "in the last 30 years my ideas around loss have been in a continuous state of metamorphosing. "
"The biggest lesson learned through grieving for almost as long as I’ve been conscious, is that it serves a purpose. The duality of life & death, pain & joy, yin & yang, need to exist along side each other or none of this would have any meaning," she explained in the post.
"It is the impermanent nature of human existence which throws us into the depths of our most authentic lives," the caption continued. "As It turns out, there is no greater motivation for leaning into loving awareness than knowing everything ends."
Kurt Cobain died by suicide on April 5, 1994, at his home in Seattle, Washington and during an ongoing battle with substance abuse. At the time, the Nirvana star had been missing for six days before his body was discovered by an electrician, Gary Smith, who alerted authorities. He was just 27 years old.
"I wish I could’ve known my Dad. I wish I knew the cadence of his voice, how he liked his coffee or the way it felt to be tucked in after a bedtime story," Frances wrote in the same Instagram tribute. "I always wondered if he would’ve caught tadpoles with me during the muggy Washington summers, or if he smelled of Camel Lights & strawberry nesquik (his favorites, I’ve been told). But there is also deep wisdom being on an expedited path to understanding how precious life is."
Frances went on to write that her late father "gifted me a lesson in death that can only come through the LIVED experience of losing someone."
"It’s the gift of knowing for certain, when we love ourselves & those around us with compassion, with openness, with grace, the more meaningful our time here inherently becomes," she continued. "Kurt wrote me a letter before I was born. The last line of it reads, 'wherever you go or wherever I go, I will always be with you.' He kept this promise because he is present in so many ways. Whether it’s by hearing a song or through the hands we share, in those moments I get to spend a little time with my dad & he feels transcendent.
"To anyone who has wondered what it would’ve looked like to live along side the people they have lost, I’m holding you in my thoughts today," she added. "The meaning of our grief is the same."
To mark the 30th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, the BBC is airing the documentary Moments That Shook the Music: Kurt Cobain that, according to The Hollywood Reporter, will “demystify” the music legend.
