It's never nice to pick up a suspension in the Premier League.
But if you're going to get sent off, make sure it's just before Christmas Day. That way, you might be able to enjoy some mulled wine, a few mince pies and the rest of the festivities... if your boss gives you the day off from training.
There's usually one or two players who pick up a timely red card or too many bookings in the days leading up to Christmas Day. That's not the case this year, however, due to there being no Premier League games prior to Boxing Day thanks to the World Cup in Qatar. Still, there's always Christmas 2023.
Here, Mirror Football takes a look at four players who were accused of deliberately missing Christmas fixtures. It's important to remember they were accused and there's little evidence to support these claims. Nevertheless, they make some cracking stories.
Ray Parlour
The Arsenal legend will be sinking a few "Cobra Bombs" (his trademark mix of Jager Bombs and Cobra lager) this festive period, but he also enjoyed a nice Christmas 21 years ago.
Parlour's former Arsenal team-mate Martin Keown accused him of getting deliberately booked during a Premier League game against Newcastle in December 2001. He was on four yellow cards and knew one more would see him miss the next game against Liverpool.
Yet Parlour's alleged plan backfired. He ended up receiving two yellow cards, as Arsenal lost 3-1 at home to Newcastle. It all worked out in the end, however, as they didn't lose another Premier League game all season and won their second title under Arsene Wenger.
"I remember Ray Parlour being on four yellow cards and trying to get a booking against Newcastle in December 2001 to take him over the yellow-card limit," Keown told the Daily Mail in 2016. "He ended up getting two yellow cards and was sent off which he wasn't trying to do."
Lee Bowyer
Remarkably, Bowyer missed eight festive games between 2002 and 2008 due to suspension. Yet he's always maintained his innocence and has blamed his bans on his aggressive style of play, which saw him pick up 99 yellow cards in the Premier League.
Only Wayne Rooney (102) and Gareth Barry (123) have picked up more bookings than the former Leeds midfielder in the competition's 30-year history. This was Bowyer's defence when pressed on his record by Jermaine Jenas in an interview with Copa90 in 2018.
Bowyer said: "The law of average says I'm going to miss a few! It's not like I purposely thought, 'I'm going to wipe this fella out now because I'm going to miss Boxing day'. You couldn't pull out of tackles. It was the way I played, I was on the edge all of the time."
Bowyer added: "Maybe it was the way it just totted up perfectly around that time."
Kevin Nolan
The West Ham midfielder was accused of deliberately picking up a suspension after he was banned for the fifth consecutive December in 2013. All but one of the bans were handed out at the back end of the month, too.
Yet Nolan has always rejected these claims and even cancelled a Christmas party in 2013. He told the West Ham fans forum: "I’ll be working hard on the training ground. I’m certainly not getting away with it. I’ll be in on Wednesday while all the other lads are off."
Then West Ham coach Anwar Uddin praised Nolan for cancelling the do. He said: "He's the club captain and you do whatever you see fit. I think it's a smart thing to do because it's like anything, when you're in a precarious situation and you're seen maybe having the time of your life in Dublin, it's probably not the best message to go out to the fans.
"I just think that says a lot about him. It says a lot about the club that they know about that and they understand that the fans do see them and have a perception of them in a certain way."
So, it's fair to say Nolan wasn't deliberately picking up bookings.
Neil "Razor" Ruddock
Last but by no means least is Ruddock, one of the Premier League's great characters. He was suspended six times over Christmas during his top-flight career and even arrested after a festive party at West Ham. But, like those aforementioned, he's always maintained his innocence (both in terms of his arrest and bookings).
Speaking exclusively to The Mirror about those chaotic Christmas parties in 2018, Ruddock said: "Looking back, it was madness. They always used to turn into two days. It’s no surprise they don’t let it happen now."
Ruddock added: "You would turn up to training and they would run the legs off you for an hour, then everyone would go and get put in their fancy dress - then you’d be in the pub for about half 10. It just spirals out of control. All of the lads come."
He continued: "We used to just kick on and go mad. You think, it’s two days before a game and it must have affected us. At the time, it’s just how it was done - and they did it 30 years before us!"
On his suspensions, Ruddock said: "In 14 years of playing in the top flight, I was suspended six times over Christmas. People used to say that I got sent off on purpose, but you just want to play football - especially at that level.
"If I get sent off and the team wins, I am not getting back in that team. If the team won, nothing changed. You don’t change the systems. If a team changes system, it’s a sign of weakness."
