Name: The cursing ghost.
Age: Dates back to 1789.
Appearance: Wraith-like, white, abusive.
Where do these appearances take place? In the Quantock Hills of Somerset, near a beauty spot called Dead Woman’s Ditch.
Who’s in charge of naming the beauty spots of Somerset? Because it might be time for some fresh thinking. This one is said to be named after a murder that took place in the late 18th century. The victim, some believe, still haunts the place.
What happens, exactly? A ghostly vision of a woman in white accosts visiting walkers.
And puts curses on them? Well, actually it just tells them to “fuck off”.
How terrifying and offensive. It first happened in 2020. According to contemporary reports in the Bristol Post, the “potty-mouthed spook” had been identified by an outfit called Ghost Hunters South West. Now, after a two-year hiatus, the ghost is back.
And just as angry? Still very rude, apparently.
Are ghosts getting more unpleasant generally? Perhaps – this week CCTV footage emerged allegedly showing a poltergeist pushing a full pint off a table at the oft-haunted Swan Inn in Dunstable, Bedfordshire. And there has also been some ghostly hair-pulling at the Shrubbery hotel in Ilminster, Somerset.
Out of order. But is the woman in white Britain’s only swearing ghost? Apparently not: last month there were reports of a foul-mouthed spectre at the Adelphi in Liverpool, supposedly the UK’s most haunted hotel. This follows another spate of paranormal cussing on the same site last year.
So it’s an actual thing, swearing ghosts? No, of course it isn’t.
What do the local people around Dead Woman’s Ditch think about the sightings? For the most part they are less than impressed. “It all sounds a bit Scooby-Doo to me,” said one.
Good point – has anyone checked the movements of the caretaker at the disused amusement park? I believe some meddling kids are on the case.
What is it with all these ghost sightings: have we become more credulous of late? It seems we have. Reports of paranormal activity have rocketed in the last two years, as part of a general increase in “magical thinking”: conspiracies, superstition, etc.
People are so stupid. I blame social media, and those microchips they put in the vaccine. It’s most likely caused by anxiety over Covid, and the stress associated with lockdowns and prolonged isolation.
Well, I suppose I can tolerate a little superstitious nonsense as a symptom of a global pandemic. But I draw the line at bad language. Understood.
Do say: “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.”
Don’t say: “That’s some spooky shit!”
