You might want to sit down for this. Ready?
Beyonce loves her family.
And also, she once indicated that she might be free to pose for some photos for the July issue of Vogue.
Thrilling, right?
We’re allowed to know this because it transpires that she was free to pose for those photos, so she’s on the cover of the fashion mag this month. (July’s issue comes out in June, obviously, because that’s how ahead of the curve they are.)
In the accompanying 887 word article, Beyonce deigns to utter just 17.
“I think we could do something for July” and “My earth, my heart, my soil and my sanity”, which, the writer breathlessly informs us, is the utterly unpretentious way she refers to her nearest and dearest.
This is highly relatable of course – it’s literally exactly how my mum is saved in my phone.
In the remaining 870 words of fawning fan fiction, so much smoke is blown up Beyonce’s backside it’s a wonder her internal organs didn’t get par boiled.
Meanwhile, in basically an alternate dimension, EastEnders’ Jessie Wallace was arrested for assaulting a police officer outside a nightclub after being, shall we say, perhaps slightly overserved at the bar.
While clearly not condoning violence of any kind, no one can deny that one of these women has been utterly consumed by the nonsense of fame, and the other has stayed 100% real.
Becoming famous is yet to make anyone a nicer person. It’s not hard to see why – you’re suddenly surrounded by sycophants catering to your every whim, and never telling you when you’re out of line.
There’s also a theory that you stop maturing at the age you get famous, which explains why so many celebrities act like spoilt teenagers, and Robbie Williams’ entire personality.
Many chase fame because they think it will validate them, solve all their problems, feel the gaping void in their soul. Spoiler: it never does. Mostly it just makes them even more miserable, in nicer rooms, wearing a better outfit.
Say what you like about Jessie (from a safe distance) she has absolutely, resolutely not bought into any of the bulls***. She’s papped coming out of Sainsbury’s in her slippers. Beyonce – who was in Destiny’s Child age nine –has probably only been in a supermarket once, by accident or for an ironic photo shoot.
And while that might sound like bliss at first, it must actually be very isolating and strange not to have normal, ordinary experiences that you share with everyone else on the planet.
Beyonce’s living in a bubble, albeit an uber plush bubble, with her earth, heart, soil and sanity.
There’s something about Jessie that simply refuses to be fake (apart from her tan), even her screen role is more reality show than acting. And while we might not approve of some of her actions, in today’s climate of agonisingly curated, filtered lies, and safe, careful blandness, it’s hard not to find that refreshing.
Be More Beyonce? No thanks. Taking yourself that seriously doesn’t look like much fun, for her, or anyone around her. I’ll take Jessie over Beyonce any day.
