It’s been a thrilling few days in the sport of transfers, but the riveting battle to see which of Liverpool and Chelsea will pay the more ludicrous fee for Moisés Caicedo is over. After much soul-searching, the Ecuadorian has decided that Todd Boehly’s visionary strategy of bussing as much money as possible is too compelling to refuse, so will therefore move to Stamford Bridge. All that remains now is for Jürgen Klopp to fist-pump the Kop in the process of accepting defeat with his customary good grace.
Nor is that the end of things. Liverpool are still trying to sign Roméo Lavia from Southampton – but so are Chelsea, who have already registered an offer. At the time, £55m was the highest number Boehly could think of, but the Mill has full confidence that, if it comes to it, he can shout out something even sillier.
Consequently, Liverpool’s search for a holding midfielder continues, with Ibrahim Sangaré the latest to be advised that kicking a ball about in L4 is somehow more cosmically crucial than doing the exact same thing anywhere else in the world. PSV Eindhoven have already rejected an offer from Nottingham Forest, and there is now competition from Bayern Munich and Paris Saint-Germain, but Klopp will hope the guaranteed success those clubs offer is offset by the purple wheelie bin that will be his if he moves to Anfield.
Down the East Lancs Road, Manchester United are also seeking a player for that position. Their interest in Sofyan Amrabat is “well documented”, but they also quite fancy Amadou Onana of Everton who, is, er … tall. Should the quoted fee prove prohibitive, Erik ten Hag will turn his attention to Shaquille O’Neal, Robert Wadlow or a sentient lamp post.
Ten Hag is also on the search for utility defender not quite good enough to play right-back or centre-back. He was hoping Benjamin Pavard would fill this glaring, John O’Shea-shaped hole in his squad, but Bayern have rejected United’s opening bid of three buttons and an Astro Belt.
Across Manchester, Kyle Walker is expected to stay at City – in the process, rejecting a move to Bayern, unseduced by the prospect of Harry Kane’s dressing-room chat. Meantime, Cirty’s pursuit of Lucas Paquetá continues, but if they are unable to agree a fee with West Ham, they will turn their attention to Michael Olise of Crystal Palace.
Elsewhere, Tottenham – searching for a Kane replacement – are naturally considering a move for another striker who really prefers Arsenal. Folarin Balogun is the man in question, but following his fine season at Reims, he will not be shy of options.
In other centre-forward news, Chuba Akpom has decided that Amsterdam beats Middlesbrough, so will exchange his parmo for a waffle by joining Ajax for £10m, while Juventus are in talks with Chelsea over the purchase of Romelu Lukaku on the basis that they no longer play any big games in which he can vanish.
And finally, Neymar is apparently the latest player to decide that actually, he hasn’t always dreamt of matches against Le Havre and Lorient, but of the unrivalled atmosphere at Al-Shabab and Damac. As such, reports suggest he has agreed a two-year contract worth £138m with Al-Hilal – who still need to agree a fee with PSG.
