Deadline day, that biannual festival of desperation and nonsense, is almost upon us and that means, well, lots of desperation and nonsense on the grapevine. Let’s start with Manchester United, who have been linked with every Tom, Dick and they still can’t sell Harry. According to tomorrow’s chip paper, United will sign at least two of the following players before the transfer window closes: Pierre-Emile Højbjerg, Sergio Reguilón, Luke Thomas, Benny from Crossroads, Rico Henry, Marc Cucurella, Paul Calf, Altay Bayindir, Billy Dane and Ryan Gravenberch.
Chelsea’s vague plan to sign every competent footballer on planet Earth under the age of 24 will continue with a move for Arsenal’s Emile Smith Rowe. They are also reportedly interested in the Barcelona pair of Ferran Torres and Raphinha, although the latter is 26 and therefore would be a bit of a short-term signing.
