Name: The battle between meat-eaters and vegans.
Age: Fossil records suggest their first engagements on land took place about 290m years ago.
Appearance: In animals, red in tooth and claw; in modern humans, a succession of petulant gestures.
Petulant gestures? Such as? The ban on vegans by chef John Mountain at his restaurant Fyre, in Perth, Australia.
Why has he done that? The restaurant’s Facebook announcement read: “Sadly All Vegans are now banned from FYRE (for mental heath reasons). We thank you for your understanding.”
They’re thanking me a little prematurely – I don’t understand at all. What prompted this? A negative review of the restaurant by a vegan.
What prompted that? The vegan wrote to chef John Mountain ahead of a planned visit asking if her dietary requirements could be accommodated, and chef John Mountain said they could.
So what’s the problem? He forgot.
Oh dear. The vegan then criticised him online, saying: “To not be able to have actual plant-based meals shows your shortcomings as a chef.”
Did chef John Mountain take it on the chin? He did not. He replied: “Thanks for your negative review … please feel free to share your shitty experience and I look forward to not seeing you again.” Vegans and meat-eaters then weighed in on both sides – the battle rages on.
Any other stories from the frontlines? Why, yes – just this week came news that a vegan landlord in New York is refusing to let his properties to people who cook meat.
That’s discrimination! It’s apparently not illegal, according to property experts. And he’s not banning meat-eaters, just meat-cookers, because he lives in the building and doesn’t like the smell.
Can his tenants eat raw meat? You may have discovered a loophole there.
How far back does this animosity go? You might recall that William Sitwell, then-editor of Waitrose Food magazine, was obliged to quit his job in 2018 after sending an email suggesting articles on “killing vegans, one by one”.
I’m sure he was joking, but I guess the opposing dietary forces remain pretty entrenched. You get the occasional traitor – last year Bear Grylls abandoned his vegan beliefs and returned to meat, saying the vegan diet gave him “kidney pains” and that he is now “super-against” grains.
So many weird fads. This is why I just eat sugar. Too right – no one can criticise you for that.
Do say: “I fully respect the dietary requirements of others, no matter how stupid they are.”
Don’t say: “Don’t worry, the cow this steak came from was also a vegan.”
