Throughout my career, I have been asked by early and mid-career women about “imposter syndrome.” Women, especially women of color, see few role models in senior leadership and wonder if they really belong here. If others haven’t succeeded before them, how do they know they can do it — or whether they should even try?
I have felt this same way many times in my life and career, in so many situations where I was the first and only woman. I dealt with it by drawing upon the athlete’s mindset developed when I was competing as an equestrian: a sense of commitment, a fierce will to win, resilience and the ability to pivot and to constantly strive to improve your game. This mindset kept me in the game professionally and fueled my desire and ability to succeed.
When you are a first, an only or one of a few, you have to remember that there is no proof that you don’t belong in the game and that you can’t win. It’s important to be fearless and have a will to fight to win each and every day. Athletes learn fearlessness through sport, but anyone can teach themselves to be fearless. It just takes commitment and practice by making being “mindfully fearless” part of your daily routine. Just ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if I do this?”
One step at a time
You can — with practice — develop the ability to respond fearlessly in the moment and stop doubting whether or not you deserve to be there. Make the commitment to face one fear, each day, every day. Do it even when it’s a lot easier not to. Make this a routine.
The objective is to face up to at least one fear or fear-inducing situation a day — no matter how large or small, or seemingly insignificant. The goal is to welcome being mindfully fearless into your life and to let the practice transform you. Here is a snapshot of the process for becoming mindfully fearless:
1. Reflect
Look honestly at yourself. Reflect upon these questions: When am I most uncertain of myself? When and where am I most likely not to share my ideas? When was the last time I wished I had acted, but didn’t? What are my fears, both large and small? What do I wish people could see about me that I’m not showing? Make a list of the frustrations and fears that you have and want to change. Add new ones to the list as they arise; remove those that you’ve addressed.
2. Respond
With better awareness of your fears, frustrations and hesitancies, identify and be attuned to opportunities to be mindfully fearless. Use these opportunities (at work or otherwise) to act in ways that are different from your current fashion of responding to this situation. Trust yourself. For example, if you’re hesitant to speak in a meeting, make it a point to say something you otherwise would not have said.
3. Record
Keep a daily log of how, where and when you were mindfully fearless. Include notes: How you felt. How your response was received. What was the outcome? How was this different from not responding or not facing your fear? What did you learn from the experience? You’ll be surprised how quickly this list grows and how diverse the settings are in which you no longer allow your fears to constrain or limit you.
4. Rejoice
Give yourself credit for having the courage and commitment to change and be more of who you’d like to be in the workplace and in the rest of your life. Women are often toughest on ourselves, but it’s game-changing to give ourselves credit for the hard work we do to be genuine and to follow our passions. It’s important that you recognize and rejoice in your successes and your commitment to being mindfully fearless. (For example, I keep a photo in my office of me on my favorite horse jumping a huge cross-country jump as a constant reminder to be vigilant. A colleague puts colored dots on her office window to celebrate her mindfully fearless “wins.”)
5. Reward
As being mindfully fearless becomes familiar and routine, you’ll see in both subtle and obvious ways how your life and career begin to move in more self-guided and rewarding directions… and you’ll find support from new champions, mentors and community. That said, beyond rejoicing, make it a point to reward yourself for your commitment to change and for your courage to consistently confront your fears and doubts. You can do this in a way that best fits your style. Do it quarterly or after a significant win. Just do it. Whatever reward you choose, make it something tangible and something you savor.
Practice these mindfully fearless steps, and day by day, opportunity by opportunity, you will build the skills and confidence to stand up, speak up and be seen. And, more specifically, you will hone your fearlessness skills to expand your network, find mentors, develop relationships, let others know your goals and aspirations, and ask for what you want — whether it be a stretch assignment, a specific job role, a salary increase, or flexing your schedule.
Stand and commit to being mindfully fearless. All will benefit from your brilliance.
Morgan Stanley Wealth Management is the trade name of Morgan Stanley Smith Barney LLC, a registered broker-dealer in the United States. CRC 3900637 - 11/24
