Firstly, are you OK?
2023 has been a long year, after all – and not only for Rishi Sunak. Unlike in 2022, we’ve only had one Prime Minister, but an increasingly irritable Rishi and his motley crew kept stoking the culture wars – as Boris Johnson, Nadine Dorries and Nigel Farage watched from the wings. Meanwhile, Keir Starmer and his team tried to persuade voters they are ready for power.
Outside of politics, a series of media scandals led to the downfall of some of our biggest stars, while the royal family kept arguing with each other as much as possible. Billionaires like Elon Musk jostled for power, and Taylor Swift bestrode the globe.
Around the world, a brutal war in Gaza shocked the world, while hostilities dragged on in Ukraine. Over in the USA, president Joe Biden tried to show he’s still got it, while a certain Donald Trump wasn’t going away quietly, despite some legal troubles.
All that, and much, much more… here are our quotes of the year.
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“I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and sent me away”
Exiled Prince Harry describes losing his virginity to “an older woman… who treated me like a young stallion” in his memoir Spare.
“I am human. Politicians are human. For me, it's time…”
Worn out Jacinda Ardern announces she is resigning as PM of New Zealand after five and a half years in charge.
“This doesn't happen to people like me very often”
Popstar Harry Styles at the Grammy Awards, winning album of the year. He was later criticised for ignoring his white privilege in the statement.
"Nobody has ever committed a crime after being executed. You know that, don't you? 100% success rate."
Hang 'em and flog 'em, says Tory deputy chairman Lee Anderson, deploying a strange but undeniable logic.
“I didn't know the word subpoena! I didn't know the word grand jury!... I didn't know that they want to lynch you for doing nothing wrong.”
Ex-president Donald Trump speaks at a Republican conference. The legal charges against him grew throughout the year.
“It’s a litre of Absolut vodka, a litre of Southern Comfort, about ten bottles of blue WKD and a litre of orange juice. It’s really good”
Party-loving Labour deputy Angela Rayner shares the recipe for her favourite tipple, ‘Venom’.
“An immeasurably cruel policy directed at the most vulnerable people in language that is not dissimilar to that used by Germany in the 30s”
Gary Lineker is not impressed with the Government’s ‘Stop the Boats’ rhetoric. Lineker was taken off air, then reinstated, in an embarrassing U-turn for the BBC.
“Firstly, are you OK?”
Holly Willoughby fails to reassure viewers after the departure of Philip Schofield from This Morning. The BBC’s top newsreader Huw Edwards also left his job after a scandal.
“He was a hell of a rugby player. He beat the hell out of the Black and Tans”
President Joe Biden makes one of a few gaffes of his year, confusing the All Blacks rugby team with the British military force that terrorised Ireland.
“This is boring. We can never be on time”
King Charles is irritated as his carriage turns up early at his coronation… according to lip readers, at least.
“I know that they want to get a scalp, they want to win, but it ain’t happening…”
A humble Novak Djokovic after winning his quarter-final at Wimbledon. Djokovic has won 24 grand slam titles, but went on to lose an epic final to 20-year-old Carlos Alcaraz.
"One day J [Justin] and I were in New York… J got all excited and said so loud 'oh yeah, fo' shiz fo' shiz, Ginuwine, what's up homie?'"
Britney Spears reveals how her ex Justin Timberlake used a cringe-worthy “blaccent” during his time in NSYNC.
“For the privileges committee to use its prerogatives in this anti-democratic way, to bring about what is intended to be the final knife-thrust in a protracted political assassination – that is beneath contempt”
Ex-PM Boris Johnson resigns as an MP, railing against the “kangaroo court” of the committee that found he lied to Parliament.
“He was a man of complicated fate, and he made serious mistakes in his life…”
Vladimir Putin pays a kind of tribute to former Wagner chief Yevgeny Prigozhin, who died in a plane crash not long after a coup attempt on Moscow.
“Amidst this litany of astonishing, rather baroque attacks, are some very serious allegations that I absolutely refute”
Russell Brand denies allegations of sexual misconduct with a trademark rhetorical flourish.
“Multiculturalism… has failed because it allowed people to come to our society and live parallel lives in it”
Then Home Secretary Suella Braverman speaks in a September speech in America. Her parents were born in Mauritius and Kenya.
"For the damage and the loss, it was a scary time, and I'm sorry for that."
Ex-chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng says sorry for his disastrous 2022 mini-budget. Liz Truss has been less apologetic.
“F**k off!”
England Goalkeeper Mary Earps celebrates saving a penalty in the women’s World Cup final. Her team still lost to Italy 1-0.
“Stand up and fight… stand up and fight”
Penny Mordaunt repeated the phrase 19 times in a speech to the Tory conference, 12 of them in quick succession. She didn’t mean for her party’s MPs to fight each other.
"I glittered my hair ready for the occasion”
Labour leader Keir Starmer jokes after a protester poured glitter on his head during his conference speech.
“We will be radical … It is time for a change.”
Rishi Sunak tries to inspire the Tory party faithful by pitching himself as a change candidate in his Tory conference address. His party has been in power for 13 years.
Daniel Khalife had been found in Chiswick and apprehended by police. Martin Daubney here on GB News #GBNews making an absolute horlicks of this important breaking news. It's like a parody of amateur it's that bad! pic.twitter.com/5AgCIKfmXV
— 💙 Phil Jones 🍊 "Unofficial" (@PhilJonesy3) September 9, 2023
"First, it's the news headlines... no it's not. We're going straight to me… as we just said... erm... we... apprehended... the terror man... it's all gone wrong"
GB News presenter Martin Daubney messes up an item about escaped convict Daniel Khalife. The channel had it’s struggles in 2023, but has built up a loyal audience.
“You know, the bottom-pinching guy … what was his name? Chris Pincher”
Nadine Dorries strikes an odd tone about parliamentary groping in her November book The Plot, about the fall of Boris Johnson.
“If someone is going to try to blackmail me with advertising… Go f*** yourself. Go f*** yourself. Is that clear? I hope it is.”
Elon Musk was direct when going to war with people who have pulled adverts on his renamed social media platform X... which everyone still knows as Twitter, really.
“I’m the author of that book, I hold my hands up and say I should’ve done better”
Labour Shadow Chancellor Rachel Reeves admits to some plagiarism in her book about female economists.
“We are not ready to give our freedom to this f**king terrorist Putin. That's it.”
A tired President Volodymyr Zelensky explains to a journalist why Ukraine is still fighting against Russia after nearly two years.
“We cannot allow our streets to be taken over by rows of tents occupied by people… living on the streets as a lifestyle choice”
Suella Braverman again, making a controversial claim about homeless people. She was sacked just over a week later.
"I'm a bit tired, but I don't think I've had a funny turn... David Cameron has just walked up the street and gone into 10 Downing Street”
The BBC’s Henry Zeffman reacts as the ex-PM makes a surprise return as Foreign Secretary.
“Is this what it’s come to?”
Nigel Farage gulps down some nasty grub on I’m a Celebrity…
“I always found it interesting that people say, ‘Well, Lauren, you definitely dress more for men.’ I actually dress for myself.”
Lauren Sanchez, fiance of Amazon boss Jeff Bezos, tells Vogue about her fashion sense. Bezos, who was also being interviewed, added helpfully: “But it works for Jeff”.
“On my life, on my family’s life”
Royal writer Omid Scobie swears he didn’t mean to name the “royal racists” in the Dutch version of his book Endgame. Those copies of the tome were pulped.
“Make no mistake—my career was taken away from me.”
Time person of the year Taylor Swift recalls how Kanye West interrupted her winning speech at the 2009 VMAs. She has come back with a bang.
“Saying to the press, ‘I’m not involved’, to protect my family… it’s not a crime”
Baroness Michelle Mone tried to defend herself on the BBC over anger that she and her were involved with the company PPE Medpro, which was awarded contracts worth £203m in 2020 after she approached Government ministers.
“You know those Palestinians, they’re… very difficult people to kill. I know because I’m married to one. I tried many times — couldn’t kill her.”
