OUTGUNNED
If statues were to be erected outside the Emirates to honour the Arsenal B@nter Years, Marouane Chamakh, André Santos, “Troopz” and Sébastien Squillaci would all have a good shout about being permanently cast in bronze – cautionary tales to stand alongside Thierry Henry and Herbert Chapman, reminders that they have a proud history of being a laughing stock as well as one of the most feared clubs in English football. That period, for the outsider at least, was a lot of fun. William Gallas being given the No 10 shirt, Emmanuel Adebayor’s full-pitch sprint in celebration, the 8-2 at Old Trafford, Cheick Tioté’s volley, that Milk Cup final defeat to Birmingham, Kim Källström arriving with a broken back, losing 6-0 to Chelsea in Wenger’s 1,000th game, £40m + £1 for Luis Suárez – there are countless rose-tinted memories, tucked away in the archives for a rainy day. Even the Nicolas Pépé era was quite fun, as the club emerged from their Emirates-enforced austerity and decided to splurge gargantuan sums on hopeful, flickering talents, only to find new ways of falling short.
This team is a different animal, and finishing second in the Premier League should not be deemed a failure. Unless you are of a Spurs persuasion or Troy Deeney, they are objectively very likable. Bukayo Saka would surely hold a door open for you, Aaron Ramsdale would probably get the first round in. Players have been plucked from the academy, or Real Madrid’s reserves, or Brazil’s fourth division and moulded into superstars. Somewhat more sensible transfer fees, good coaching, lovely retro kits: Arsenal have defied the critics to lead the table for most of the season, playing scintillating football but running out of gas, like an elite marathon runner cramping up on the Mall.
Maybe the Gunners will come again next season. Maybe this was their moment, the reincarnation of Kevin Keegan’s Newcastle, who burned brightly but never left their mark on silverware. It feels unlikely that Chelsea, Tottenham and Liverpool will be this bad again. Manchester United are on the up. City are not going to get worse overnight, unless Pep Guardiola takes another sabbatical or Roy Keane meets the Haalands on a night out in the Northern Quarter. It’s quite possibly going to get harder, not easier.
Wednesday’s 4-1 thumping by Manchester City – “we could not grab the game and they won it, and they were really good,” sighed Mikel Arteta – still leaves Arsenal top of the table by two points, but with two games in hand for their title rivals, it feels almost certain that City will clinch a fifth Premier League title in six years. That’s not fun for anyone outside Moss Side (and a certain Middle East state). Maybe we can all stop accusing Ligue 1 and the Bundesliga of being a farmer’s league now. If the B@nter Years were a Soccer AM-esque highlight reel, this version all feels a bit … sad?
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Barry Glendenning from 8.15pm BST for hot Premier League MBM coverage of Tottenham 1-2 Manchester United, while Rob Smyth will be on deck to clockwatch the rest of the night’s Premier League action. But before all that, Sarah Rendell will be your guide for Barcelona 3-0 Chelsea (agg: 4-0) in the Women’s Big Cup semis.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“You’ll probably see them coming out with some rubbish about he needed to break his fall. If you lunge it’s your fault for being out of control. The hardest thing to take is the disrespect from VAR” – poor David Moyes wanted a late penalty that his West Ham side didn’t get in the 2-1 defeat at home to Liverpool. He’s not angry, just disappointed.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Re: the branch-wielding Basil Fawlty and red car you mention (yesterday’s Still Want More, full email edition). Can I be one of the many to correct you. It wasn’t a Mini, it was in fact a 1967 Austin 1100 Countryman (estate). Perhaps said erstwhile Torquay hotelier could apply to Daniel Levy for the vacancy at Spurs. The touchline antics should ensure the fourth official is kept entertained and provide endless minutes of footage for the assembled cameras” – Kevin Worley (and 1,056 others).
The Mini was a well-constructed, reliable and effective world-conquering icon. The Austin was a serviceable, if underachieving vehicle that never ever quite reached its potential. Hurried and incoherent attempts to improve it famously led to the Allegro, without doubt one of the worst vehicles ever produced. For its faults, it didn’t include a compartment for cheese in the glovebox. Or Pedro Porro” – Jon Millard.
Following John Kyle’s suggestion for an AI manager (yesterday’s Football Daily letters), I asked an AI chatbot to ‘write a team talk to inspire a football team that is losing at half-time’ and got the following response: ‘Alright team, listen up! I know the first half didn’t go the way we wanted it to, but we’re not out of this game yet. We still have another half to play, and that’s plenty of time to turn things around. Remember why you’re here, why you love this game. You’re here because you’re warriors, you’re fighters, and you don’t give up when the going gets tough. You’ve trained hard for this moment, you’ve sacrificed so much to get here, and you’re not going to let a little adversity get in your way. So let’s put the first half behind us. Let’s forget about the mistakes we made and focus on what we need to do to win. We need to play smarter, we need to play harder, and we need to play as a team. We need to support each other, communicate, and give it our all on every single play. I believe in each and every one of you. I know that you have what it takes to win this game. So let’s go out there and show them what we’re made of! Let’s come back in the second half with fire in our bellies, and let’s show everyone that we are a force to be reckoned with. Remember, this is our game, our time, and our moment. Let’s seize it, let’s own it, and let’s come out on top! Are you with me? Let’s do this!’ Yup, could see some human managers being worried by that” – Robin Hazlehurst.
If the question in yesterday’s last line is about Argyle, then the answer is yes! Green Army!” – Martyn Shapter.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Jon Millard.
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