Family dinners are unpredictable. One moment you’re enjoying a nice homemade meal, and the next—someone shares their unfiltered thoughts that make you think you wouldn’t even be there if you weren’t related.
Recently, a Reddit user vented on the platform about a particularly hurtful exchange with her mother-in-law. The lady, after learning that her son and his wife were expecting a baby, thought it was ok to toast to the fact that she was going to be the only grandma.
Her daughter-in-law, who was still mourning her own mother, found the comment deeply insensitive and couldn’t hold back her emotions.
When couples expect a baby, their families rally together to offer support and share in the excitement
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But for this mom-to-be, bringing her in-laws along for the ride meant enduring insensitive comments and thoughtless behavior
Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual photo)
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman shared an update on the conflict
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway-97252801
The mother-in-law seems to be unaware of just how big of a hole losing people can leave in our identity
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Insults aside, the lady was apparently trying say that time heals all wounds, but that’s a blanket statement and isn’t necessarily the best way to help someone cope with their loss.
“When my father died, well-meaning, compassionate friends said to my mother that with enough time, she would get over the loss of my father, someone with whom she had spent almost every day since they were married,” writes Dr. Stan Goldberg, a professor emeritus at San Francisco State University, who for more than 25 years taught, provided therapy, researched, and published in the areas of learning problems, communication disorders, loss, change, and end-of-life issues.
“It was advice commonly given and found in many counseling approaches, where the ‘time heals’ mantra is repeated. My mother’s response was prophetic: ‘There isn’t enough time in the universe for me to get over his death.'”
“So, what creates grief associated with a change in identity? What ties the loss so intensely to us that we are immobilized when we think about its absence? The loss of the emotion it generated. We get enjoyment and fulfillment not from the thing, activity, or person itself but from the emotions it once stirred in us.”
Simply put, the greater the attachment, the greater the wound. Even though losing a loved one hurts and can evoke anger, frustration, and sadness, our natural feelings are meant to be experienced. This is normal, and denying these reactions does not invite peace.
People often work through grief and trauma by telling their stories over and over again. Unless you are asked for your advice, don’t be quick to offer it.
Pretty much everyone who read her story said the daughter-in-law did nothing wrong
