Ferne McCann has told how she’s riddled with “mum guilt” after missing her daughter Sunday’s 4th birthday to film Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins.
The reality star, 32, admitted she signed up to the show to “be an inspiration” to her little girl, but sadly the filming clashed with her only child's birthday.
The single mum, who shares Sunday with imprisoned ex-partner Arthur Collins, explained her inner turmoil as she debated doing the show to inspire her daughter, versus missing her special day to take part in it.
Ferne, who found fame on TOWIE, told OK!: “Sunday had her 4th birthday when I was doing the course. I was in Jordan, she was in the UK and it was really hard.”
“The main reason I wanted to do it was also the main reason I wanted to quit. In my head, I was like ‘I’m the worst mum, why have I Ieft her?’
"Every part of the course is designed to make you into an absolute beast and a warrior - that’s what it’s designed to do - to break you and see if you’ve got the strength to pick yourself back up. Every single day that I was there, I wanted to quit.
"It beats you down, but now, you understand why."
Ferne explained that she wanted to “prove herself” by taking part in the gruelling Channel 4 series.
She told the publication: “I wanted to prove to myself and others that I was capable of much more than I thought I was. I’d done that endurance of labour when I was having Sunday, so I know about a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of pain, so I could draw on that experience."
Ferne is joined on the new series of Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins by Love Island winner Amber Gill, fellow TOWIE alum Pete Wicks as well as Brookside actress Jennifer Ellison.
Other celebs in the line-up include Love Island star Curtis Pritchard, former footballer Ashley Cain and EastEnders alum Maisie Smith.
TV personality Calum Best is also part of the line-up this year, alongside Curtis' brother AJ Pritchard - who is best known for having been a professional dancer on Strictly Come Dancing.
Channel 4 viewers will also get to see several athletes put through their paces when the reality TV show returns later this week, including Olympic sprinter Dwain Chambers.
Taekwondo athlete Jade Jones and javelin thrower Fatima Whitbread are also part of the line-up, with both of them having won Olympic gold medals in their careers.
Professional boxer Shannon Courtenay and Paralympic high jumper Jonathan Broom-Edwards complete the cast for the new series, which will launch over the coming weekend.
Former US Marine Rudy Reyes - who returns as chief instructor - said: "SAS is renowned for having the highest standards. [...] We demand full throttle excellence no matter celebrity, title or fame".
The new series of Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins starts on Sunday (September 4) at 9pm on Channel 4. Episodes will be available for catch up through streaming service All4.
Do you have a story to sell? Get in touch with us at webcelebs@mirror.co.uk or call us direct 0207 29 33033.
