The family of dad who shot himself after a gruelling 15-year cancer battle are calling on government to legalise assisted dying.
Norman Ward had lived with prostate cancer for over a decade and underwent every treatment offered to him, but doctors could not prevent the disease spreading around his body and he was given a terminal diagnosis.
The pain became too much for the 75-year-old and he took his own life on June 23, 2021, Wales Online reports.
Now his son Gareth Ward, 45, is working as a part of the 'dying with dignity' campaign to give terminally ill people who are sound of mind and expected to die within six months the option of an assisted death.
That option is not currently available but peers have debated an Assisted Dying Bill in the House of Lords which could change the law.
Speaking of his dad's death, Gareth said: "In my heart I don't think what my dad did was suicide. He ended his life, he was dying anyway. He had been dying slowly for months. He was at the end and I don't blame him."
"I'm not angry or upset that he shot himself, I'm pleased that he had a way out. But I wish it could have been done where it was a decision we could have been a part of."
Norman, who grew up in Ely, Cardiff, but moved to Kent where Gareth was raised, was a father of three and had seven grandchildren. He served in the Welsh Guards and played for the British Army rugby team. He later worked as a builder and married Gareth’s mum Valerie in 1969. She died of a heart attack in 2001.
After first being diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2006, it was kept at bay by hormone treatment for ten years. However, after this treatment began to wane, and drug trials and chemotherapy also didn't help, the cancer started to spread through Norman's body and he was given a terminal diagnosis.
As the cancer developed, Norman's mobility declined, made worse by a stroke before his death. Due to the gruelling nature of chemotherapy, he decided to stop treatment. He started to receive palliative care and increasing doses of morphine but the pain was still too much to bear, his family said.
"When he first had the diagnosis years before he said, 'I won't let cancer beat me, I'll kill myself before I let cancer beat me,' but when people get diagnosed they say a lot of rash things," said Gareth.
"He told anyone who would listen, I think he needed to feel like he had some sort of semblance of control. If he told himself that he could call time when he needed to if things got bad, then that would make him feel better."
Despite his diagnosis, Gareth said his dad carried on 'like a trooper' for years, still enjoying walking his dog, visiting the pub with his friends and he even continued to work for a while.
"After about 10 years the drugs seemed to stop working," said Gareth. "They [doctors] offered him then to go on a drugs trial, a blind drugs trial so you don't know if you're getting the actual drug or a placebo. But after about 18 months he found out that he was on the actual drug - it just didn't work.
"So we were back to square one. It was spreading into his bones and stuff like that by this point. So that was when chemotherapy was brought up. He was a bit reluctant because obviously chemotherapy can knock it out of you and by that stage, it's all about quality of life. The first lot of chemotherapy he was fine with it, but the downside was that that didn't work either."
By this point the cancer had spread to his spleen, lungs, and he had his pancreas removed. As a result of this he was diagnosed with diabetes. Consultants offered Norman a second round of chemotherapy, but due to the gruelling nature of the treatment which left him "sick for days" he decided to stop all treatment.
"He was sick all of the time. He said 'this is awful, this is worse than knowing I'm dying. I'm not having any more treatment. It had been terminal for years but this is when he was referred to the palliative care team at his local hospital."
Over time the pain levels increased and his mobility decreased. About eight weeks before he died he had a stroke. The stroke impacted Norman's vision, and ultimately removed his independence.
"It was a constant balancing act with pain and how much morphine he could take. After the stroke, he lost a lot of independence. The pain was getting unbearable for him, he knew he wasn't going to get any better, and losing his independence really infuriated him," said Gareth.
Due to this, Norman was spending a lot of time either living with his children, or them acting as his carers. The weekend before his death Gareth's sister dropped Norman at his house. Gareth said his father's condition had deteriorated, so much so that 'he looked like a dead man walking'.
"He said to her on the drive, 'this is the last time you're going to have to drop me at Gareth's house because I'm not coming here again,' and she said 'what do you mean?', and he said 'the pain is too much. I can't do anything, all I do is sit there'.
"So, after she left I had a little chat with him and he said, 'that's right, I'm ready to go into the hospice now' and I cried with relief. As such an independent man, he was finally accepting help."
"What we now know is that he had no intention of going into the hospice. He was saying he was about to check out and kill himself, without actually telling me."
Norman had always owned a legal shotgun, which was kept in a locked store box - which is a legal requirement - in his loft. Gareth said he had been assessed on his mental capacity to own the shotgun a few years previously.
However, on June 23, 2021, Norman ended his life in his garden by shooting himself.
"But the thing is the poor man could barely move, he couldn't go anywhere without a frame. Nobody ever thought he was going to shoot himself, nobody even thought he could get the gun. We were all flabbergasted afterwards," said Gareth.
Norman had been described as in a "good mood" by family in the days leading up to his death.
"So my sister left his house and said, 'I'll see you in a few hours for dinner' and apparently he said 'maybe you won't'. He subsequently went to the garden shed, called 999 and told them what he intended to do and then he phoned me and told me the same.
"He said, ‘That’s it. I can’t have another night like last night. I’m going to shoot myself now.’”
"So I immediately phoned him back and he answered but didn't speak. So I phoned back again and then I could sort of hear a clicking sound and I thought, 'I'm going to hear him shoot himself' so I put the phone down and phoned 999 and explained to them and obviously they knew."
Gareth called 999 and his two sisters, who lived near their father. Despite his warning not to enter, one of Norman’s daughters found him before an ambulance and armed response unit arrived.
"She thought perhaps she could stop him, so she got there and went into the house, and when she looked out into the garden she saw him sat there." Norman had already died when she arrived.
She is now on antidepressants and having counselling. Tragically, her husband is also terminally ill with brain cancer and wants to end his life.
Gareth believes his family could have been spared such trauma if Norman had been allowed to die with medical assistance.
"After that, I obviously had a lot of emotion and I thought what can I do with that. So I wanted to raise awareness for what people have to put themselves and their families through because they have no other options.
"It's not about euthanasia, it's about terminally ill people with less than 6 months to live having the option who are sound of mind. And that was my dad. And I know he would have chosen that, we spoke about it. People just assume it's something rich people do in Switzerland but it's not the case.
"There's a lot of emotion, and rather than wallow in self-pity or feel bad, I tried to use my energy for something positive rather than suffering in silence. That's how I found the 'dying with dignity' campaign.
"If I could do anything with my backstory that could help other people then I'm more than happy to do that."
The campaign is calling for the law around assisted dying to be changed.
"We put animals down at the drop of a hat, but we make humans stay alive past the point of any quality of life. How is that a civilised society that we are putting our loved ones through that, it just makes no sense.
"His wake was a real celebration of his life, it was in his local pub, loads of his family and friends and I sat there thinking how much he would have liked it. And the truth is, if assisted dying was a thing he could have been. And then we could have gone off and done whatever needed to be done after he had said his goodbyes."
Swiss law enables doctors to assist certain patients to die, although that option is not currently available in the UK.
