Families can be complicated, beguiling things. Long-kept secrets can simmer away for generations before exploding in a mess of trauma and recriminations. Children can learn that they have a different biological father. Cousins can learn that they’re actually siblings removed at birth. And Matthew McConaughey can have a bit of a hunch that Woody Harrelson is his half-brother.
Somewhat unbelievably, this last one is playing out in real time. On an episode of Kelly Ripa’s Let’s Talk Off Camera podcast, McConaughey started to discuss Harrelson, his regular co-star in work as diverse as True Detective and EDtv. “You know, where I start and where he ends, and where he starts and I end, has always been like a murky line … My kids call him Uncle Woody. His kids call me Uncle Matthew. And you see pictures of us and my family thinks a lot of pictures of him are me. His family thinks a lot of pictures of me are him.”
Which makes some amount of sense, doesn’t it? They are both professional actors. They were both born in Texas in the 1960s. They both have, or have had, a fondness for marijuana. Their hairlines have receded in similar directions. But here’s where things get weirder. “In Greece a few years ago, we’re sitting around talking about how close we are and our families,” McConaughey continued. “And my mom is there, and she says, ‘Woody, I knew your dad.’ Everyone was aware of the ellipses that my mom left after ‘knew.’ It was a loaded K-N-E-W.”
Apparently Harrelson and McConaughey then did some sums and realised that it could have been feasible that McConaughey’s mother (who was in the midst of a divorce) could have feasibly had sex with Harrelson’s father (who was a contract killer who claims to have murdered JFK) because they were both around Texas at the same time.
Again, as unlikely as this sounds, this could be extremely sweet if true. Of all the working actors in the world, McConaughey and Harrelson somehow managed to find each other. It meant that they were drawn together by the intangible bonds of biology, that their genetic makeup meant that they were always destined to be existentially entwined. It’s a lovely thought, one that hints at a higher power taking care of its creations.
Not to burst anyone’s bubble, though, but we probably shouldn’t hold our breath. Because although this is a wonderful story, it’s also extremely easy to confirm. McConaughey could just straight-up ask his mother. True, they’ve had a complicated relationship at times – they were functionally estranged for eight years, but have since made up – but it would only take a moment of courage to sit her down and say “Hey, did you have sex with convicted assassin Charles Harrelson in October 1960?”
Also, home DNA tests are widely available now, and all that McConaughey and Harrelson would need to do is stump up $100, spit into a test tube and 24 hours later they would have definitive proof of their suspicions. Which, for most people, would be a better way of determining something than publicly discussing the potential implications of the nuance your mother once used to say the word “knew” on holiday several years ago.
On the podcast, however, McConaughey revealed his reluctance to take this path, because the consequences could be world-shaking. After all, he might learn, to his horror, that the man he always thought was his father might not actually be his father. And that’s the sort of thing that can permanently destabilise a man. Matthew would need to have vast reserves of personal strength to weather an upset like this.
That said, he did just go on a podcast and tell the entire world that he thinks he is probably Harrelson’s half-brother, without any form of proof whatsoever, so it doesn’t sound particularly reluctant of him. Also, he happens to be making an Apple TV+ show with Harrelson that is called Brother from Another Mother. I don’t want to be judgmental, but that does seem like quite a bold project to sign on to if you’re worried about the results of a paternity test.
Or maybe that’s the entire point. Perhaps this revelation is nothing more than an empty PR move to promote a new comedy series. Perhaps Harrelson and McConaughey are really just two bald Texan friends and nothing more. There is only one way that this mess can be brought to a satisfactory conclusion. Someone needs to bring Maury Povich out of retirement, and fast.
