Experts warn of 'pink flags' to look for in relationships

Most people are fairly aware of the red flags to look out for in any relationship, but experts say there are also “not-quite-red” signs that can indicate that something isn’t quite right. To delve into these pink flags , sexual health experts at Condoms.uk spoke with a number of relationship experts to find out what else Brits should be looking out for.

According to Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and a sex and relationship coach at The Sex Consultant, there are a number of things to look out for when it comes to identifying pink flags in a romantic relationship. She explains that ‘pink’ flags are “flags that can sometimes seem like a red flag until you actually get to know the person and reasons behind them. It’s where something can feel like a big relationship concern and worry but after communication is actually ok”.

Pink and red flags in romantic relationships

PINK flags to look for include:

1. Mismatched love languages

2. Lack of communication

3. Mismatched expectations and interests

4. Differences in religious beliefs

5. Different beliefs in ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behaviour in general

6. Difference in ideas on politics, family, and privacy

7. Friends with their ex

RED flags to look for include:

1. Lack of respect and empathy

2. Manipulative behaviour

3. An unusual need for control and power

4. Being emotionally abusive

5. Uncontrolled anger

6. Selfishness

7. Narcissism

8. Jealousy

9. Secretive

Rach Wilson, entrepreneurs’ relationship coach at Divine Relating said: “Every relationship has some struggles, and most of those are mismatches which is primarily what ‘pink’ flags are. Some of these are manageable and you can find a way to navigate it without any major sacrifice to yourself, others not so much in which case they could be a reason to move on from the relationship.”

Pink and red flags in platonic relationships

PINK flags to look for include:

1. Lack of availability

2. Avoid certain places

3. Mismatch values or beliefs

4. Competing friendship circles

5. Moving

The experts revealed that moving location, leaving jobs or even being more housebound (such as lockdown or working from home) can change the dynamic of a friendship, as well as the frequency and deepness of the connection, which can sadly lead to the end of the friendship.

Pink flags alert people to a difference that previously wasn’t noted, and allow an opportunity to work through the issue before the relationship becomes toxic. Not all flags can (or should) be resolved, but honest conversations will allow both parties to decide whether the friendship is worth working for, or whether it’s time to move it on.

RED flags to look for include:

1. Abuse

2. Consistent unreliability

3. Selfishness

4. Jealousy, including possessiveness and controlling

5. Lack of boundaries

6. Put you in uncomfortable situations

7. Two-faced and share secrets

Cooper said: “Toxic behaviour within friendships can vary, but often the biggest thing to look out for is when you can’t be yourself”.

Wilson adds that toxic behaviour in friendly relationships is “much the same as in a romantic relationship – it’s toxic if it feels more damaging over time than uplifting and supportive. It’s toxic when you can’t share exciting news with your friend without them feeling hurt by it for some reason and not able to be happy for you. If there is always a reason to make you feel bad for something, it’s not healthy”.

Pink and red flags in workplace relationships

PINK flags to look for include:

1. Unable to get days off for holiday

2. Feeling like an imposter

3. Worried staff are talking behind your back

Workplace relationships compared to romantic and friendship relationships generally differ in the level of intimate conversation, vulnerability, and openness.

Wilson said: “Toxic behaviours are basically anything that makes the workplace feel unsafe, unreasonably difficult to fit in or achieve work objectives, and/or highly stressful because of the people more than the work itself”.

Cooper said: “Toxic workplace behaviour can be tricky to navigate as you can feel pressured not to speak-up in fear of losing your job. If you’re incredibly unhappy in your work environment but are worried about standing-up for yourself, it’s likely that you’re in a toxic career”.

RED flags to look for include:

1. Power addicted people

2. Micromanaging

3. Controls personal life

4. Bullying

5. Lack of privacy

6. Lack of breaks

7. Payment issues, including overtime

8. Inappropriate sexual behaviour

9. Extreme hate centred beliefs

Robert Davies, Relationship Expert at Condoms.uk said: “Sometimes, when blinded by love, we can easily overlook the more negative aspects of our partners. However, many negative traits which show as an initial red (or ‘pink’) flag might actually be revealing bigger underlying issues.

“When it comes to romantic relationships, being friends with their ex, mismatched love languages, and different interests are all ‘pink’ flags to look for. While not necessarily deal breakers, these issues could present the start of a wider issue with your partner if not managed in the first appearance of them.”

“Looking at friendly relationships, lack of availability, competing friendship circles, and moving are all ‘pink’ flags to look for in your friendly relationships, whereas in workplace relationships, you should look out for being unable to get days off for holiday, feeling like an imposter, and worrying that staff are talking behind your back”.