Parents have been warned against a common tactic when talking to their child that an expert has described as 'exactly what not to do' in a difficult situation.
It can often be tricky working out how to help youngsters to calm down when they're upset or angry - without being left feeling frustrated yourself. But Professor Sam Wass, a child psychologist who has previously appeared on Channel 4's The Secret Life of 4 and 5 Year Olds, told The Mirror that some phrases should always be avoided when it comes to communicating with your little one.
According to the expert, the biggest mistake parents make is dismissing their child's emotions, whether it be sadness, anger or something else altogether. Speaking in partnership with Virgin Media O2's Connected Playground, he warned: "Inhibiting emotions doesn't work, it doesn't work for adults and it definitely doesn't work on a child, you can't just tell someone to cancel an emotion."
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Professor Wass explained: "For example in September, you always see all these parents marching their children to their first day of school, dragging them by the hand and their child is in floods of tears and the parent is walking along and saying in a really cheerful voice 'it's going to be fine, you're going to have a lovely time, don't be scared'. And that is exactly what not to do as it just doesn't work."
Instead, the expert advised trying to explain to your child what their emotions are - this helps to build what is known as metacognitive awareness, which helps youngsters to understand what they are feeling. "Children aren't aware of what they're feeling, they can't describe it and that's because they don't know it themselves," Chris said.
"It's only by you describing to them what they are feeling that they gain that self-awareness of what it is," he added. "Something about being self-aware of what we're feeling helps us to manage that emotion and helps it to reduce."
The psychologist suggested using non-judgemental phrases, such as "it seems to me you are feeling this", in order to help their child learn about their emotions. And when it comes to dealing with emotional toddlers, Professor Wass also has advice on how to 'defuse' a tantrum.
He explained: "Toddlers are at this stage when the emotional centres of their brains are massive and their reason centres are tiny, so a much more effective way to deal with a tantrum is to comment on what they're saying and echo it back to them using their language.
"If the child is talking in two-word phrases, saying things like 'want juice' or 'want custard', you can match their language and their intonation. They'll be very up and down in their voice, so you copy that.
"Match their state and what they're saying, commentate on it, almost like a football commentator would, so if they're saying 'I want custard', you would say, 'Freddie wants custard' to make sure they feel understood," he elaborated. "This feeling of being understood will help them calm down and then you'll be able to shift their attention onto something else."
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